Body Talk

Posted By admin on May 20, 2013

Most workplace lies (and liars) are discovered after the fact – after you’ve signed the faulty contract, hired the wrong person, or agreed to work on that career-limiting project. But wouldn’t it be a savvy professional strategy to be able to spot liars in action, before the harm was done? From my latest book, “The Truth About Lies in the Workplace,” here are seven tips for spotting liars at work:

1. Establish a “truth baseline”

Spotting deception begins with observing a person’s baseline behavior under relaxed or generally stress-free conditions so that you can detect meaningful deviations.

One of the strategies that experienced interviewers use is to ask a series of simple questions while observing how the person behaves when there is no reason to lie. Then, when the more difficult issues get addressed, the interviewer can stay alert for sudden changes in behavior that may indicate deception around key points.

2. Watch for stress signals

For the vast majority of the individuals you interview or work with, the act of lying triggers a heightened stress response. Blood pressure, heart rate and breathing rates all increase.

To relieve stress and anxiety, liars may use pacifying gestures (rubbing their hands together, bouncing their heels, fidgeting with jewelry, etc.) But our first response to stress (before we ready ourselves to fight or flee) is to freeze. So also pay attention if your usually animated colleague suddenly stops gesturing, has a forced or frozen smile, and locks her ankles.

3. Look at their eyes

The biggest myth around deception is that liars can’t look you in the eyes. In fact, some don’t (especially small children), but polished liars may actually give too much eye contact.

There are two eye signals that are more accurate signs of dishonesty: 1) Pupils dilate when someone is lying, and 2) Blink rates change – slowing down while someone constructs and tells the lie, and then speeding up (sometimes as much as eight times) afterward.

4. Count to four

Nonverbal cues to all kinds of unconscious giveaways tend to occur in clusters – a group of movements, postures and actions that collectively point to a particular state of mind.

This is crucially true of dishonesty, where one specific cluster of nonverbal signals has been proven statistically to accompany dishonesty. These are: hand touching, face touching, crossed arms, and leaning away. According to research conducted at Northeastern University by David DeSteno, if you see these “Telltale Four” being displayed together, watch out!

5. Notice if they aren’t really answering the question

Because of the mental effort it takes to tell a bald-faced lie (and because it triggers negative emotions), many deceivers prefer to avoid the truth with quasi-denials and selective wording. Notice how the responses below (which may be absolutely valid) never actually answer the questions.

Question: Have you ever used drugs?

Answer: I don’t take drugs.

Question: Did you steal a computer from the supply room?

Answer: Do I look like the kind of person who would steal a computer?

Question: Did you leave your last place of employment on good terms?

Answer: I left to pursue other opportunities.

Question: Did you pad your expense account?

Answer: How can you ask that? I’ve been a loyal employee for over 10 years!

6. Listen for vocal stress

The primary paralinguistic (how you say what you say) signal that often indicates lying is a change in someone’s baseline vocal pitch, which usually rises with stress levels as vocal chords constrict.

Under stress, people may also experience an increased need to drink water and to lick or moisten lips, as the autonomic nervous system downloads a rush of adrenaline, causing a dry mouth.

7. Stay alert for “undercover” emotions

Smiles are often used as a polite response and to cover up other emotions, but these faked smiles involve the mouth only. Unless someone is expressing genuine pleasure or happiness, it’s hard to produce a real smile – the kind that crinkles the corners of the eyes and lights up the entire face.

There is another way that real emotions emerge, regardless of the effort to suppress them. When someone conceals any strong emotion, chances are his face will expose that information in a split-second burst called a “micro expression.” Difficult to spot because of it happens so quickly, but that instantaneous flash of anger, dismay, joy, etc. is an indicator of someone’s genuine emotional state.

Please remember that none of these verbal or nonverbal cues are proof of lying. Truthful people can show signs of stress, have a naturally high blink rate, or give round-about answers. And both the liar and truth-teller may exhibit fear — one of being discovered, the other of not being believed. Nevertheless, these signals are strong indicators of heightened anxiety, possible deception, and of “hot spots” — areas that you should investigate further.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is a keynote speaker, leadership communication consultant, body language coach, and author of “The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt – How You Lead” and “The Truth About Lies in the Workplace: How to Spot Liars and What to Do about Them.” Carol can reached by email: CGoman@CKG.com, phone: 510-526-1727, or through her website: www.CKG.com.

Category: Body Language, Business communication, Carol Kinsey Goman, Leadership, lies in the workplace | No Comments »
Tags: Body Language, Carol Kinsey Goman, nonverbal communication, The Truth About Lies in the Workplace

Posted By admin on May 6, 2013

May 7 is National Teacher Appreciation Day, and the best educators could teach business leaders a thing or two about body language.

Pygmalion in the Classroom, one of the most controversial publications in the history of educational research, showed how a teacher’s expectations can motivate student achievement. This classic study gave prospective teachers a list of students who had been identified as “high achievers.” The teachers were told to expect remarkable results from these students, and at the end of the year, the students did indeed make sharp increases on their test scores.

In reality, these children were not high achievers, but had been chosen at random from the entire pool of pupils. It was the teachers’ belief in their potential that was responsible for their exceptional results; a belief that was communicated not directly (the students were never told they were special), but subliminally through nonverbal cues.

In much the same way, a leader’s expectations of employees’ potential (as expressed by that leader’s nonverbal behavior) can also play a key role in determining how well people perform at work. This effect was described in a Psychology Today article, “Pygmalion Leadership: The Power of Positive Expectations.

Body language is the management of time, space, appearance, posture, gesture, touch, expression, eye contact, and vocal prosody — how you say what you say. From a body language perspective, teachers (and business leaders) send two sets of signals.

One set of signals conveys status, power, and confidence. You send these signals by standing tall, using steepling or palms-down hand gestures, keeping your head straight, minimizing facial expressions, gesturing between your waist and shoulders, and speaking in a deep and forceful tone of voice.

There are many occasions where educators and leaders would want to emphasize their competence and authority. But when trying to engage and motivate students or staff, these signals usually send the wrong message.

The second set of nonverbal signals conveys empathy, likeability, friendliness, and inclusiveness. These body language cues include a relaxed posture, smiles, open palm gestures, forward leans, vocal variety — and the eye contact, head nods and head tilts that nonverbally show approval and encourage others to keep speaking.

Teachers who thought they had the high-achieving pupils used more of these warmth signals, and in doing so encouraged the exceptional performance they secretly expected. It’s something that more business leaders should try!

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Posted By admin on April 23, 2013

Join Workplace Body Language Expert Carol Kinsey Goman for a FREE Video Event on May 2nd and learn how to spot liars at work!

“You’re next in line for a promotion.”

“Take this assignment and you’ll get the attention of top executives.”

“You can trust me.”

Maybe.

Wouldn’t it be great to know when you’re being lied to? Wouldn’t it be a savvy career strategy to know how to handle liars? And wouldn’t it be a great leadership skill to know exactly what minimizes deception and builds trust?

Attend this entertaining and interactive Shindig Event to meet and chat with Carol Kinsey Goman, the author of a new book, The Truth About Lies in the Workplace: How to Spot Liars and What to Do about Them (Berrett-Koehler Publishers).

Learn the science and strategies of deception detection:

• The top ten verbal and nonverbal cues that you can use to spot a liar.

• Why it’s so tough to spot some liars.

• How our assumptions and biases play into the hands of liars.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an international keynote speaker, specializing in leadership and nonverbal communication. She coaches executives, female leaders, salespeople, and change-agents to build strong and productive business relationships by projecting confidence, credibility, caring, and charisma. She’s the author of The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt – How You Lead.” For more information, email Carol at CGoman@CKG.com or call 510-526-1727.

When: Thursday, May 2, 2013
Time: 6:00pm – 7:00pm EDT (3:00pm – 4:00pm for us on the West Coast)
Cost: FREE!
Sign up here: How to Spot Liars at Work

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Posted By admin on April 1, 2013

You may have “sales” in your job title. But if you are a leader announcing an organizational change, an entrepreneur pitching to a venture capitalist, or an employee on a job interview — you too are in sales. And in any situation where you are selling a product, a service, or an idea, engagement and disengagement are the most important signals to monitor in your audience’s body language. Engagement behaviors indicate interest, receptivity, or agreement while disengagement behaviors signal boredom, anger, or defensiveness.

Let’s say you have just presented two written options to a potential client and you notice that your prospect’s gaze lingers longer on one than on the other. If, in addition, you see his eyes open wider and his pupils dilate, you know for certain that he has a much greater interest in this particular option.

In general, people tend to look longer and with more frequency at people or objects they like. A person may be trying to look uninterested, but his eyes will keep returning to the object that attracts him.

The same is true with eye contact. Most of us are comfortable with eye contact lasting about three seconds, and prolonged mutual gaze without breaking can make us nervous. But when we like or agree with someone we automatically increase the amount of time we look into his or her eyes.

Disengagement triggers the opposite gaze reactions. The amount of eye contact decreases, as we tend to look away from things that distress us and from people we don’t like. Similarly, a client who is bored or restless may avoid eye contact by gazing past you, defocusing, or glancing around the room. And, instead of opening wide, eyes that signal disengagement will narrow slightly. In fact, eye squints can be observed as people read contracts or proposals, and when they occur, it is almost always a sign of having seen something troubling or problematic.

Researchers have known for years that eye pupil size is a major clue in determining a person’s emotional responses. The pupils are a part of our body we have practically no control over. Therefore, pupil dilation can be a very effective way to gauge someone’s interest. Pupils dilate for various reasons, including memory load and cognitive difficulty, but pupils also dilate when we have positive feelings about the person we’re talking to or object we’re looking at. And when someone is less than receptive, his or her pupils will automatically constrict.

But eye cues aren’t the only body language signals that let you know how your presentation is being received. One question to ask yourself: Is that smile genuine?

Typically, someone who is in agreement with you will smile and nod as you speak. (Disagreement shows up in compressed or pursed lips, clenched jaw muscles, or a head turned slightly away, so eye contact becomes sidelong.) But smiles are often used as a polite response and to cover up other emotions. Faked smiles involve the mouth only. Unless someone is expressing genuine pleasure or happiness, it’s hard to produce a real smile – the kind that crinkles the corners of the eyes and lights up the entire face.

Gestures are also telling. In general, the more open the position of your prospect’s arms, the more receptive he or she is. Watch for expansive, welcoming gestures that seem to flow naturally from a person’s behavior. When someone reaches toward you or uses a lot of open-hand gestures, it is usually a positive signal of interest and receptivity.

By contrast, people who are defensive or angry may protectively fold their arms across their chest, clench their hands into a fist or tightly grip their arm or wrist. Boredom is often indicated by doodling in a way that seems to absorb the doodler’s complete attention, drumming fingers on the table, or holding using a hand to support the head.

The shoulders and torso also play an important role in potential buyers’ reactions. The more people like and agree with you, the more they will lean toward you and the more closely they will stand before or beside you. On the other hand, when you say or do things your customers disagree with or are uncertain about, the more they will tend to lean back and create more space between the two of you.

When you see people turn their shoulders and torso away from you, you’ve probably lost their interest. In fact, orienting away from someone in this manner almost always conveys detachment or disengagement, regardless of the words spoken. When people are engaged, they will face you directly, “pointing” at you with their torso. However, the instant they feel uncomfortable, they will turn away – giving you “the cold shoulder.” And if someone is feeling defensive, you may see an attempt to shield the torso with a purse, briefcase, laptop, etc.

People who are in agreement tend to mirror each other’s behavior. One will lead and the other will follow. If you notice your client has assumed the same basic body orientation as yours, move slightly and see if she follows suit. If she does, you know you’ve made a positive connection.

One of the most interesting set of body language signals to monitor come from below the hips. When people try to control their body language, they focus primarily on facial expressions and hand/arm gestures. That leaves their feet and legs “unrehearsed” and often very revealing. For example, if someone is sitting with ankles crossed and legs stretched forward, he or she is probably feeling positively toward you. But when you see feet pulled away from you or wrapped in a tight ankle lock or pointed at the exit or wrapped around the legs of a chair, you would be wise to suspect withdrawal and disengagement. Other signals from feet include:

• High-energy heel bouncing almost always indicates that the party involved has “happy feet” – and is feeling pretty good about your presentation. And if your seated client/customer rocks back on his heels and raises his toes – he probably thinks he has the upper hand.

• In the opposite case, bouncing legs that suddenly go still is probably a sign of heightened anticipation – the equivalent of holding your breath.

• Crossed legs send their own set of cues. If the foot on the leg that is crossed on top is pointing towards you, the person is most likely engaged. If the opposite leg is crossed so the top foot is pointing away, the person may be withdrawing.

All salespeople understand the value of good communication skills – but the most successful realize that there are two conversations going on, and they stay equally alert to what isn’t being said.

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Posted By admin on March 16, 2013

A long time before your performance proves them right or wrong, people will have made an emotional decision about whether to follow you, trust you, or even listen to you. They’ll do that by evaluating your curb appeal.

In The Political Brain, Drew Weston talks about curb appeal as one of the main determinants of electoral success. According to Weston: “Curb appeal is the feeling voters get when they ‘drive by’ a candidate a few times on television and form an emotional impression.” For years now, I’ve noted that people judge business leaders in much the same way.

So a question I frequently ask my clients is: What’s your personal curb appeal? How do team members, customers and colleagues feel about you when they “drive by” your office a few times, observe you in the corporate hallways, or attend meetings you lead?

Research shows that curb appeal can be assessed quickly and that many times these instant assessments are startlingly accurate. In one study, subjects watched a 30-second clip of college teachers at the beginning of a term and rated them on characteristics such as accepting, active, competent, and confident. Based on this small sampling of behaviors, raters were able to accurately predict how students would evaluate those same teachers at the end of the course.

Research also shows that these assessments are primarily a nonverbal process. When the audio portion of the video clips was turned off, so that subjects had to rely solely on body language cues, the accuracy of their predictions remained just as high.

From a nonverbal perspective, effective leaders send two sets of signals. Both are very important, but they are each more important under certain circumstances.

One set of signals conveys status, authority, and power. Authority signals are especially useful if you are presenting your ideas to senior executives, addressing a large audience, or giving an interview to the news media. In these circumstances, you want to project competence and confidence.

The other set of nonverbal signals conveys empathy, likeability, friendliness, and inclusiveness. When you are trying to get people to express their opinions or when you are leading a collaborative team, these are the more congruent signals.

Depending on the qualities you want to project in a certain situation, here are 5 body language tips to enhance your personal curb appeal:

1. To show authority, stand. Because status and authority are nonverbally communicated through height and space, the taller you appear and the more room you take up, the more you look like you are in command. When others are seated, you will gain authority if you stand when you speak. (Because they are shorter, this is especially valid for women.) And if you occupy space by moving around, you will further emphasize your authority.

2. To set a collaborative tone, start by taking off your jacket. A savvy executive I know begins every staff meeting by taking off his jacket. He chooses a chair at the center of the conference table (and not at the head). Those behaviors alone would send a message of informality, but it’s the rest of his body language that drive the point home. Whenever anyone in the meeting speaks, the manager leans forward with an expression of interest on his face, nods approvingly, and gives the speaker full eye contact. With this array of nonverbal signals, he symbolically sets the stage for exactly what he wants the meeting to be – a “rank free” exchange of ideas and questions.

3. To build rapport, “do lunch.” When you share a meal with someone, your consumption of glucose level rises, enhancing complex brain activities and regulating prejudice and aggressive behaviors. In addition, when individuals dine together they enact the same movements. This unconscious mimicking can induce positive feelings towards both the other party and the matter under discussion.

4. To look approachable, uncross your arms. Don’t tell me, I already know: You are more comfortable with your arms crossed, it’s the way you habitually stand, it even helps you focus your thoughts. All that may be true, but with nonverbal communication, it’s not how the sender feels that matters most; it is how the observer perceives how the sender feels. And, although there are cultural differences to take into account, crossing arms is almost always perceived as a closed sign of resistance. (And, by the way, since the human brain pays more attention to negative messages than it does to positive ones, what people unconsciously look for and react to the most, are signs that you are in a bad mood or are not to be approached.)

5. To signal that you are trustworthy, flash a genuine smile. Humans produce about 50 distinct types of smiles but there’s one distinction that really matters: is the smile real or fake? Genuine enjoyment smiles light up the entire face and create crows-feet at the corner of the eyes. When trustworthiness and cooperation is really important, we are remarkably good at automatically detecting leaders with real smiles — and extending our trust to them.

Try these five simple and powerful strategies for improving your curb appeal and watch your leadership effectiveness soar!

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Tags: Body Language, Carol Kinsey Goman, Leaders, leadership, nonverbal communication