For example: In a debate setting, most people judge politicians based on how they make them feel rather than on their talking points. If the candidate appears anxious, uncertain, arrogant, or unfeeling, the audience reaction is instant and negative. The nonverbal debate “winner” is the candidate who makes the audience feel secure and comfortable by displaying the greatest amount of positive body language cues – relaxed stance, upright posture, smooth gestures, genuine smiles, etc. and the least amount of negative cues – including rapid blinking, forced smiles, jerking motions, finger pointing, and body sways.

You may never find yourself in the high-stakes, high-pressure world of a presidential debate. But if you are addressing a group of employees, chairing a meeting with your staff, or interviewing for a job, your body language impacts the way those audiences feel about you. Here are five body language tips for President Obama, Governor Romney, and you.

1) With nonverbal communication, it’s not how the sender feels that’s most important; it’s how the observer perceives the sender feels.

A famous debate signal occurred in 1992 when incumbent President George H.W. Bush looked at his watch while his opponent, Bill Clinton, who would win the election, spoke.

Why did he look at his watch? It doesn’t matter. What does matter, is that to the viewing audience, President Bush’s gesture conveyed boredom – as if he had better things to do with his time and was wondering when this annoying inconvenience would end.

This is a common problem with body language: often your nonverbal signals don’t convey what you intended them to. The key is to understand how most people will judge a gesture. You may be slouching because you’re tired, but your team will most likely read it as a sign of disinterest. You may be more comfortable standing with your arms folded across your chest (or you may be cold), but others see you as resistant and unapproachable. And keeping your hands stiffly by your side or stuck in your pockets can give the impression that you’re insecure or hiding something – whether you are or not.

2) Watch those facial expressions.

In 2008, both candidates made facial expression errors. In most of the debates, (then) Senator Obama minimized his emotional reactions and reinforced the impression that he was remote and “cold.” Senator McCain’s forced grins and eye rolling in the third debate sent a negative signal that was reflected instantly in polls rating likability: Obama scored 70% to McCain’s 22%.

If you have been interviewed by the media or answered questions in a Town Hall meeting, you have probably had to deal with unexpected issues that you hoped wouldn’t come up. How did you look when you addressed those issues? Did you clench your jaw, raise your eyebrows in amazement, and grimace to show your annoyance? Did you sigh, smile condescendingly, and shake your head? If so, you sent a nonverbal signal that was “louder” than any spoken response.

3) Don’t underestimate the power of touch.

While Obama shook hands with audience members after the debates, only McCain touched anyone during a debate. Toward the end of the second debate, he walked into the audience and patted a U.S. military veteran on the back and then shook his hand, which produced a genuinely warm smile from the veteran. McCain’s gesture was exquisitely done and worked very much in his favor.

Underused by business leaders, touch is widely considered to be the most primitive and essential form of communication. We are programmed to feel closer to someone who’s touched us. The person who touches also feels more connected. It’s a compelling force and even momentary touching can create a human bond. A touch on the forearm that lasts a mere 1/40 of a second can make the receiver not only feel better but also see the giver as being kinder and warmer.

4) When your body language is out of sync with your words, people believe what they see.

Anytime McCain was speaking in the first 2008 debate, Obama oriented his body toward McCain and looked directly at him. (Doing so sends a nonverbal signal of interest and respect. And it’s a behavior that Governor Romney exhibited with his rivals in the 2011 GOP debates.) McCain’s decision to avoid looking at Obama was not only dismissive, it was counter to McCain’s stated position that Democrats and Republicans need to work together on behalf of the American people. In fact, his failure to look at Obama was so off-message that if I had been coaching McCain, I would have strongly advised against it.

In a similar way, the business leader who stands in front of employees and talks about how much he welcomes their input derails that message if he hides behind a lectern, or leans back away from his audience, or shoves his hands in his pockets, or makes a “push back” gesture (actually done by a committee leader). All of those are nonverbal signals of withholding or dismissal – while the intended message is about openness and inclusion.

5) Remember – you are never “off camera.”

When the second debate was over, and their wives were on stage, McCain tapped his rival on the back. Obama turned around to offer his hand, but it was not reciprocated. McCain, instead, pointed to his wife, Cindy – an action that many viewers took for a nonverbal brush-off.

As a leader, you are always communicating. People are unrelenting leader-watchers, and your “off-record” actions are being closely monitored. In the words of one savvy executive,  “What I do in the hallway is more important than anything I say in the meeting room.”

So there you are: Five body-language tips for the 2012 presidential candidates that can also make you a more effective leader and communicator.

Now, I’m a proponent of candor. I much prefer (and advise) honest and transparent communication in all professional relationships – a principle with which I’m sure all would agree. Except when the boss suddenly appears and you feel yourself slipping helplessly backwards into psychological bunker mode. At that point I advise lying.

Not bad lying, though, good lying. Because there is a critical difference: Bad lies are meant to deceive: to dodge responsibility, to gain unfair or unmerited advantage over colleagues, to shift the blame for mistakes onto others,  to cover dishonest or unprofessional behavior. Bad lies are destructive — to bosses who don’t spot them, to teammates who suffer the consequences, and to the overall goals of the organization.

Good lies, on the other hand, are meant to outfox that bunker mentality so you can “be yourself” with the boss when all instincts are telling you to hide behind the water cooler; let you display your genuine competence and professionalism despite the unconscious signals that your boss may well mistake for lack of initiative and self-esteem. Good lies can be good for your career – and using them well springs directly from good body language skills.

Here are 10 ways to lie to your boss — to project confidence and credibility when you might actually feel intimidated, shy, or uncertain:

1. Examine your body language through your boss’s eyes. The impact of your nonverbal signals lies less in what you really mean by them, and more in what your boss believes you mean. For example, the fact that you cross your arms while speaking may mean that you are more comfortable that way (or that you are cold or you’re concentrating), but that doesn’t really matter. What does matter is understanding that most bosses will interpret your crossed arms as a sign of insecurity, resistance, or even deceit. Conversely, if you hold your arms at waist level, and gesture within that plane, most bosses will be perceive you as assured and credible.

2. Become a Method actor. Trying to display confidence when you’re actually feeling tentative, or trying to be perceived as upbeat and positive when (for any reason) you are feeling the opposite, is a tricky thing to pull off. But  here’s a technique (adopted from Constantin Stanislavsky’s Method acting), which draws on real but past emotions: Think of an occasion where you were wholly enthused and absolutely certain about a course of action. (This doesn’t have to be taken from your professional life. What’s important is identifying the right set of emotions.) Then picture that past event clearly in your mind. Recall the feeling of certainty, of clarity of purpose – and remember or imagine how you looked and sounded as you embodied that state of mind. Recalling that genuine emotion will help you embody it as you interact with your boss.

3. Prepare for action using a power pose. Research at Harvard and Columbia Business Schools shows that simply holding your body in expansive, “high-power” poses (leaning back with hands behind the head and feet up on a desk, or standing with legs and arms stretched wide open) for as little as two minutes stimulates higher levels of testosterone — the hormone linked to power and dominance — and lower levels of cortisol, a stress hormone.

Try this before your next meeting with the boss. In addition to causing hormonal shifts in both males and females, these poses lead to increased feelings of power and a higher tolerance for risk. The study also corroborated my observation that people are more often influenced by how they feel about you than by what you’re saying.

4. Maintain steady eye contact. You may be an introvert, you may be shy, or your cultural background may have taught you that extended eye contact with a superior is not appropriate, but bosses from the U.S., Europe, and Australia (plus several other parts of the world), will expect you to maintain eye contact 50-60% of the time. When you don’t — if you continually look down (which is a signal of submission) or let your eyes dart around the room — you will nonverbally indicate that you don’t want to be there, that you aren’t really committed to your message, or that you have something to hide. (Tip: To improve your eye contact, make a practice of noticing the eye color of everyone you meet.)

5. Lower your vocal pitch. When you are anxious or nervous, your vocal pitch tends to rise. Before talking with your boss, allow your voice to relax into its optimal pitch (a technique I learned from a speech therapist) by keeping your lips together and making the sounds “um hum, um hum, um hum.” And if you are a female, watch that your voice doesn’t rise at the ends of sentences as if you are asking a question or seeking approval. Instead, when stating your opinion, use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end. One word of caution: Don’t lower your volume when you lower your pitch. When you speak too softly, your boss will judge you as tentative and uncertain – even if you’re neither.

6. Take a belly breath. Stress and anxiety can cause you to tense up, breathe shallowly, and even hold your breath. You can counter this tendency by sitting with your weight “centered” – evenly distributed on both feet and sit bones. Look straight ahead with your chin level to the floor and relax your throat. Take several deep “belly” breaths. Count slowly to six as you inhale and increase the tension in your body by making fists and tensing the muscles in your arms torso and legs. As you exhale, allow your hands, arms and body to release and relax.

7. Talk with your hands. Brain imaging has shown that a region called Broca’s area, which is important for speech production, is active not only when we’re talking, but when we wave our hands. Since gesture is integrally linked to speech, gesturing as you talk can actually power up your thinking. Whenever I encourage clients to incorporate gestures into their deliveries, I consistently find that their verbal content improves. Experiment with this and you’ll find that the physical act of gesturing helps you form clearer thoughts and speak in tighter sentences with more declarative language. (Tip: An especially powerful gesture is the “steeple” — in which the tips of your fingers touch, but the palms are separated. If you find yourself fiddling with your jewelry or picking at your cuticles, try replacing that nervous gesture with a steeple.)

8. Smile. Charles Garfield, the author of Peak Performance, once coached the Russian Olympic weight-lifting team. Garfield noticed that when team members lifted to exhaustion, they would invariably grimace at the painful effort. In an experiment, he encouraged the athletes to smile when they got to that point of exhaustion. This seemingly minor difference enabled them to add 2-3 more reps to their performance.

No matter the task, when you grimace or frown while doing it, you are sending your brain the message, “This is really difficult. I should stop.”  The brain then responds by sending stress chemicals into your bloodstream. And this creates a vicious circle: the more stressed you are, the more difficult the task becomes.

So, smile when you enter the boss’s office. A genuine smile not only stimulates your own sense of well-being, it also signals to your boss that you cooperative, and trustworthy. Smiling directly influences how other people respond to you. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. (Yes, even your boss!) And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings (called “facial feedback”), the smile you get back will actually change your boss’s emotional state in a positive way.

9. Dress for success. The old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover” may be true, but book jacket and product packaging designers around the world have created an industry betting that people do judge (and purchase) products based on how they look. Your boss is judging you, at least to some degree, by your appearance – your clothing and your grooming. (Research from Harvard Medical School even found that women who wear makeup are perceived as more competent than those who do not.) If you want your boss to know you as the consummate professional you really are, my advice is to dress the part!

10. Let your body speak for you. Standing tall is one way of demonstrating a high level of confidence. Another is showing your torso. The more you cover your body with folded arms, crossed legs, etc. the more it appears that you need to protect or defend yourself. Feet also send their own messages: When you stand with your feet close together, you can seem timid or hesitant. But when you widen your stance, relax your knees and center your weight in your lower body, you look more “solid” and sure of yourself.

Power and status is nonverbally displayed through height and space. If you stand you will look more powerful to those who are seated. If you move around, the additional space you take up adds to that impression. If you are sitting, you can look more assertive by putting both feet flat on the floor, widening your arms away from your body, and spreading out your belongings on the conference table and claiming more territory.

Think this is all too much to remember?

I agree.

So, I’m not suggesting that you memorize “the right” physical gestures and facial expressions to display for the boss at the crucial moment like some kind of pre-programmed robot. (First, those who try to do this actually look like robots; and second you’ll want to focus most of you concentration on hearing what’s being said.) Instead, I suggest that you experiment with one idea at a time: the power pose if you want to look assertive or belly breathing if you need to calm down.

I’m also suggesting that you stay aware of how your body language dramatically impacts the impression you make on your boss. Like good manners and good grammar, body language is a tool for expressing your best self in a certain situation. And it is a highly valuable tool for all you “good” liars!

Your co-worker says he’d be happy to help you with your project, but he seems to pause a long time before answering – and while talking, his eyes stay focused on his computer monitor. Can you trust what he says?

“You can count on my support.”
“It wasn’t my fault.”
“You’re next in line for a promotion.”
Really?

Wouldn’t it be great to know when we’re being lied to? And, wouldn’t it be nice if exposing falsehoods were as easy as it is portrayed on television shows like “Lie to Me” and “The Mentalist?” But of course, those are entertaining fantasies. In real life, human beings are more complex than that. And, as commonplace as deception is, deception detection remains an inexact science.

For the vast majority of the individuals you work with, the act of lying triggers a heightened stress response. And these signs of stress and anxiety are obvious, if you know where to look. Basically, what we’re finding is that the mind has to work a lot harder to generate a false response. One theory – posed by Daniel Langleben, a psychiatrist at the University of Pennsylvania – is that, in order to tell a lie, the brain first has to stop itself from telling the truth and then create the deception, and then deal with the accompanying emotions of guilt, anxiety, and the fear of being caught.

Spotting deception begins with observing a person’s baseline behavior under relaxed or generally stress-free conditions so that you can detect meaningful deviations. One of the strategies that experienced police interrogators use is to ask a series of non-threatening questions while observing how the subject behaves when there is no reason to lie. Then, when the more difficult issues get addressed, the officers watch for changes in nonverbal behavior that indicate deception around key points.

In business dealings, the best way to understand someone’s baseline behavior is to observe her over an extended period of time. Note her speech tone, gestures, blinking patterns, etc. Once you’ve assessed what is “normal” for a co-worker, you will be able to detect shifts, when her body language is “out of character.” Just remember (and this is key), that the atypical signals you detect may be signs of lying — or a state of heightened anxiety caused by many other factors.

One of the biggest body language myths about liars is that they avoid eye contact. In fact, many liars, especial the most brazen, may actually overcompensate (to prove that they are not lying) by making too much eye contact and holding it too long.

My best advice is not to rely on any one signal. You’ll be more successful if you look for clusters of behaviors (three or four body language cues that reinforce one another). To increase your chances of spotting a falsehood, watch for a cluster of body language cues that include:

1. A fake smile. It’s hard for liars to give a real smile while seeking to deceive. (Real smiles crinkle the corners of the eyes and change the entire face. Faked smiles involve the mouth only.)

2. Unusual response time. When the lie is planned (and rehearsed), deceivers start their answers more quickly than truth-tellers. If taken by surprise, however, the liar takes longer to respond – as the process of inhibiting the truth and creating a lie takes extra time.

3. Verbal cues. When lying, a person’s vocal tone will rise to a higher pitch. Other verbal cues include rambling, selective wording (in which one avoids answering the question exactly as asked), stammering, and the use of qualifiers (“To the best of my knowledge.” “I could be wrong . . . “). It’s also been noted that liars use fewer contractions: “I did not have sex with that woman . . .” rather than “I didn’t . . . ”

4. Under or over production of saliva. Watch for sudden swallowing in gulps or the increased need to drink water or moisten lips.

5. Pupil dilation. One nonverbal signal that is almost impossible to fake is pupil dilation. The larger pupil size that most people experience when telling a lie can be attributed to an increased amount of tension and concentration.

6. Change in blink rate. A person’s blink rate slows down as she decides to lie and stays low through the lie. Then it increases rapidly (sometimes up to eight times normal rate) after the lie.

7. Foot movements. When lying, people will often display nervousness and anxiety through increased foot movements. Feet will fidget, shuffle and wind around each other or around the furniture. They will stretch and curl to relieve tension, or even kick out in a miniaturized attempt to run away.

8. Face touching. A person’s nose may not grow when he tells a lie, but watch closely and you’ll notice that when someone is about to lie or make an outrageous statement, he’ll often unconsciously rub his nose. (This is most likely because a rush of adrenaline opens the capillaries and makes his nose itch.) Mouth covering is another common gesture of people who are being untruthful, as is covering the eyes.

9. Incongruence. When a person believes what she is saying her gestures and expressions are in alignment with her words. When you see a mismatch — where gestures contradict words – such as a side-to-side head shake while saying “yes” or a person frowning and staring at the ground while telling you she is happy, it’s a sign of deceit or at least an inner conflict between what that person is thinking and saying.

10. Changes in gestures. Often times, in the effort not to let their gestures “give away” the lie, deceivers will hold their bodies unnaturally still. At other times, especially after being asked a searching question, you may notice liars accelerate pacifying gestures — biting their lips, rubbing their hands together, fidgeting with jewelry, touching their hair.

11. Micro-expressions. Difficult to catch, but if you ever spot a fleeting expression that contradicts a verbal statement, believe what you see and not what you hear.

12. The quick-check glance. This generally follows a less-than-truthful response: Liars will immediately look down and away, then back at you for a brief glimpse to see if you bought the falsehood.

One final caveat: If a person really believes the lie, there is no way that can detect that falsehood. But, unless you are dealing with a pathological liar or a superb actor, I know you can become better at spotting those who try to deceive you!

1.     Crossed Arms –Crossing your arms is a natural movement you make when you feel attacked or overwhelmed. It is a protective movement, but it can also be offensive because it is a signal to others that you are no longer open to their ideas. You have literally put up a wall between you and them.

2.     Pointing – Did your parents ever tell you it was impolite to point? Well, it is, and for good reason. Not only is it considered rude in most societies, but when you point at a person you are singling them out in a way that is accusing. It is similar to a parent scolding a child, and no one likes to be scolded.

3.     Itching –You have an itch and you want to scratch it. But, please, go somewhere else or be subtle about it. There is almost nothing more disgusting than watching someone dig away at their skin. Yes, it is natural and a part of life, but don’t gross everyone out. Take it elsewhere.

4.     Staring –Sometimes you stare because you are tired, or thinking, or simply forget to look away. Staring too long can unnerve others, even if you are just staring at a wall or inanimate object. If this is a habit for you, try to break it. Look down, look around, or even close your eyes for a few seconds if that helps you. Staring can also be a side effect of some medical conditions, so if it something you have a problem with regularly, you should tell your doctor.

5.     Bouncing Leg–Beyond restless legs, constant movement makes people nervous. Your eyes are naturally drawn to movement, and a bouncing leg can distract from conversation. Also, the movement can be seen as impatient or nervous, neither of which are very complementary to the person you are talking to.

Some of these things can offend people so subtly that they don’t even know why they are offended. That’s the worst part, because then they can decide they just don’t like you. Don’t lose potential relationships because you didn’t bring your body under control. Be aware of the motions you make and how they look to others. Be aware that not all cultures share the same hang-ups, so there may be some other movements you make that you need to police. Know your body and your habits and keep them under control.

Author Bio:

Kate Croston is a freelance writer, holds a bachelors degree in Journalism and Mass Communication. She writes guest posts for different sites and loves contributing business internet service related topics. Questions or comments can be sent to:  katecroston.croston09 @ gmail.com.

Have you ever noticed that when two people sit at a table, they often choose chairs on opposite sides? This is automatically adversarial in terms of territory – the kind of seating arrangement that divorce attorneys and their clients typically adopt. Groups of people may also sit on opposite sides of a conference table and unwittingly divide into an “us” and “them” mentality. If you intentionally mix up the seating arrangements you can discourage the tendency to “take sides.”

Sitting at right angles is the arrangement most conducive to informal conversation. Sitting side by side is the next best. This is important to remember if you want to foster personal ties between team members. The outcome of any collaborative effort is dependent upon well-developed relationships among participants. People are naturally reluctant to share information with others when they don’t know them well enough personally to evaluate their trustworthiness. So if you notice that the same people are taking the same seats at every meeting, rearrange the seating to stimulate conversation and encourage new relationships to develop.

You might even try something unusual, like the leadership at Tata Chemicals did: “We experimented with a unique process during the integration meeting after one of our early M&A’s where seating arrangement during employee integration made a positive difference. We arranged chairs in concentric circles, rather than in a theatre style or around a conference table that might have made one group seem dominant. This very subtle nonverbal communication was very powerful and ensured a feeling of equality among the managers from both the organizations. The participation level was much higher.”

Remember, also, that there are two power positions at any conference table – the dominant chair at the head of the table facing the door and the “visually central” seat in the middle of the row of chairs on the side of the table that faces the door.

The unconscious impact of these seating positions is so strong that it can even help create leaders. For example, it’s been noticed that people who sit at either end of the table in a jury room are more likely to be elected foreman and that persons in visually central positions (that mid-point previously mentioned), are also more likely to be perceived as leaders. In the jury scenario, choice of foreman is mainly about the symbolism of the head-of-the-table position, and with the central position, it is more about the power of eye contact: Because the person seated in this central location is able to maintain eye contact with the most group members, he or she will be able to interact with more people and as a result, will most likely emerge as the leader. (So, if you wanted to enhance the leadership credibility of a junior team member, it would be wise to seat him or her in one of these two positions.)

Choosing a dominant chair may be the most effective way for a leader to control the agenda or dominate the meeting, but it also stifles collaboration. When the leader takes this spot, ideas are then directed to him or her for validation (or rejection) rather than to the entire group. So, before your next meeting, think about the relationship you want to establish with team members. Then choose your seat accordingly: Sit at the head of the table or at mid-point on the side if you want to exert control, and choose any other position around the table if you want to state symbolically that you are an equal member of a collaborative team.

Which brings me to your office and how seating arrangements there send their own messages of inclusion and exclusion.

Because you are a leader, you already have acknowledged status in your organization, but there are many ways your office can reinforce that status: You can occupy the largest (or the corner) room, have a picture window with a great view, or sit behind a massive desk (obstructing a visitor’s view of your lower body). You can choose a tall chair with armrests, a high seatback that tilts, a swivel seat, and rollers for feet. You can then put the visitor in a smaller, lower, and fixed chair on the opposite side of your desk. You can even seat visitors on a low sofa across the room and place a coffee table in front of them. Arranging your office in this manner allows you to control the space between you and others, keeping them at a distance and in essence saying that you won’t come to them – they must come (and only if invited) to you.

An office that projects power, authority, and status may be a key part of your nonverbal strategy to impress potential clients, customers, and investors – and I often advise clients to think of their office space as a symbol of their (and their company’s) prestige. But when it comes to building collaboration within your organization, status cues like these can send a conflicting, distinctly unwanted message.

It’s a small nonverbal signal — but if creating a collaborative culture is essential to meeting your business objectives, then you might want to rearrange your office furniture to reflect this. For example, instead of seating people directly across from your desk, place the visitor’s chair at the side of your desk, or create a conversation area (chairs of equal size set around a small table – or at right angles to each other) and send signals of informality, equality, and partnership. You may be surprised at how this small sign of inclusion send powerful messages.

According to their press release: Results so far are promising. In a study of 40 videotaped conversations, an automated system that analyzed eye movements correctly identified whether interview subjects were lying or telling the truth 82.5 percent of the time. “That’s a better accuracy rate than expert human interrogators typically achieve in lie-detection judgment experiments,” said Ifeoma Nwogu, a research assistant professor at UB’s Center for Unified Biometrics and Sensors (CUBS) who helped develop the system. “In published results, even experienced interrogators average closer to 65 percent.” The research was peer-reviewed, published and presented as part of the 2011 IEEE Conference on Automatic Face and Gesture Recognition.

Deception detection is a complicated process, and while I applaud the UB research, even Nwogu noted that the technology is not foolproof: “A very small percentage of subjects studied were excellent liars, maintaining their usual eye movement patterns as they lied. Also, the nature of an interrogation and interrogators’ expertise can influence the effectiveness of the lie-detection method.”

I do agree with UB’s use of baseling: In their study on automated deceit detection, Nwogu and her colleagues selected 40 videotaped interrogations. They used the mundane beginning of each to establish what normal, baseline eye movement looked like for each subject, focusing on the rate of blinking and the frequency with which people shifted their direction of gaze. The scientists then used their automated system to compare each subject’s baseline eye movements with eye movements during the critical section of each interrogation — the point at which interrogators stopped asking everyday questions and began inquiring about the check. If the machine detected unusual variations from baseline eye movements at this time, the researchers predicted the subject was lying.

But eye movements are the only “tell” for deception. Body posture, hand gestures, facial expressions, foot movements — and the words people choose when they lie — are all important aspects to be considered. (I’ll write more about these in a later post.)

Or is it?

Here’s an email I recently received from an engineer:

“The Project Manager introduced a new consultant. The new guy smiled and shook hands with everybody, but it looked like an insincere, almost condescending smile and the handshake was soft and slippery. That was his first mistake. His next – and last – was sitting in the chair of a technical leader who was away on vacation. After that, the entire team boycotted the consultant, and his contract was quietly terminated after a couple of weeks. Nobody cared about his skills or contribution to the project.”

But that example was about an outside consultant. Not you. You may be a recognized leader within your organization. Once you achieve that level of power and status, your nonverbal signals become far less important

Or do they?

Consider this incident, from “The Silent Language of Leaders: How Body Language Can Help – or Hurt – How You Lead” . . .

I was at a meeting when the senior executive came in wearing a designer suit, white shirt and a power tie. He checked the time on his Rolex wristwatch and placed his elegant briefcase on the table. He exuded authority, power and status, and would have been perfectly dressed for a Board of Directors’ function. But that wasn’t the kind of meeting he was chairing.

He had assembled a multi-level, multi-functional group – a diagonal slice of people from across the organization and had taken them off-site for two days to co-create the necessary steps for achieving the company’s new strategic plan. The hope was that collaboration and knowledge sharing would begin at this meeting and expand from here into every department. It wouldn’t be easy. The theme was “we’re all in this together” – already a touchy subject as the employees knew there would be cut-backs in spending and employee numbers (and few expected that “together” meant that executives would also be asked to cut costs and reduce their ranks).

But despite this initial reluctance on the part of the attendees, the first morning had gotten off to a smooth start. Told to come dressed comfortably, most people were in jeans or slacks with polo or tee shirts. Consultants hired to facilitate the event had done a good job warming up the group and helping them begin to bond.

Then the executive arrived. And from the moment he walked into the room, all hope for collaboration flew out the window. Not only was he making a late entrance (instead of arriving earlier that morning with the rest of the group), he didn’t look like one of the team. He looked like a “suit,” a hierarchical leader who would ask for input only as a rubber stamp for decisions he’d already made. And as he stood at the head of the table – symbolically reinforcing his authority – I watched resistance and skepticism build and ripple through the assembled group.

The executive probably never gave a thought to his body language or attire. Or, if he did, maybe he dismissed them as insignificant. If so, he was wrong. His nonverbal signals not only mattered, they sent a powerful message that completely undermined his stated objective.

Coaching leaders for the past twenty years, I’ve learned a lot about the impact of what isn’t said. I’ve learned how body language can validate, enhance, or totally undermine a leader’s intent. One thing I know for sure: If there is any misalignment between a leader’s verbal and nonverbal messages, people (employees, stockholders, customers) will believe what they see and not what was said.

How about you? Do you know what your body is saying? Do your nonverbal signals reinforce your messages and objectives? Or, as in the cases above, is your body language hindering your effectiveness — maybe even killing your career?

She may be onto something.

As a leadership coach specializing in body language, I know that everything you do makes some kind of statement. The fact that Joyce wears a business suit and not jeans and a tee shirt sends a message.

The old saying, “You can’t judge a book by its cover” may be true, but book jacket and product packaging designers around the world have created an industry betting that people do judge (and purchase) products based on how they look. And career counselors still advise their clients to dress for the job they want – not the job they currently have.

Counselors know that people are judged, at least to some degree, by their appearance – and they want their clients to gain a nonverbal advantage by already “looking the part.”

Which brings me to you and your “personal packaging.” Office-appropriate attire has certainly changed over the years. Formal business suits aren’t a requirement in many workplaces, and the options available often lead to some questionable choices. As one management consultant told me: “In today’s world of business casual, it sometimes does seem like ‘anything goes.’ To be fair, most of my clients’ employees display common sense when making their fashion statements… but I’ve also seen some less-than-subtle expressions of taste (or lack thereof), even in critical engagements.”

Clothes make a strong visual statement about how you see yourself. Comfort may aid productivity but, in this era of “Me, Inc.” and “the Brand Called You,” are flip-flops, sweats, jeans, and flashy or revealing clothing part of how you want to be judged? You might think you are expressing your individuality, but you could also be sending the message that you’re not a serious professional.

Appropriate dress is also a way of expressing respect for the situation and the people in it. So, your look may change depending on the business circumstances. Teresa is a public relations professional – and a master at dressing for the role. She loves to wear hot pink, turquoise and fire-engine red silk dresses with stiletto heels and lots of bling to work in her New York City office. But the moment she has to meet with a conservative client, or one who is going through difficult times, Teresa transforms herself into a prim professional whose outfit matches the way she wants to be perceived. (In her words, “The success I dress for is that of my client.”) One member of her staff recalls meeting Teresa at the headquarters of a nonprofit religious organization where they were to conduct focus groups. The staff member barely recognized her stylish boss. By dressing more like the client, Teresa fit right in. She looked like one of the nuns!

Clothing has an effect on both the wearer and the observer. It has been proven that people are more likely to give money (charitable donations, tips) or information to someone if that person is well dressed. And if you ever watch actors in a play go through their first dress rehearsal, you’ll see firsthand the amazing transformation that becomes possible only when they dress for the part.

Experiment with your appearance. Notice how people react to you when you wear certain colors or styles. Then, based on those reactions and your career goals, you can make an informed decision about how you want to “package” yourself.

I love it! A social network that combines face-to-face meetings and food. GetLunched.com is the creation of a London-based start-up that believes that connections are best made in person — and over a great meal.

I agree.

First of all, I’m a California “foodie,” with a passion for pasta.

Secondly, I’m a communication coach who knows the kinds of crucial cues that are only exchanged when we meet personally.

In face-to-face meetings, our brains process the continual cascade of nonverbal cues that we use as the basis for building trust and professional intimacy. Face-to-face interaction is information-rich. We interpret what people say to us only partially from the words they use. We get most of the message (and all of the emotional nuance behind the words) from vocal tone, pacing, facial expressions and body language. And we rely on immediate feedback – the instantaneous responses of others – to help us gauge how well our ideas are being accepted.

So potent is the nonverbal link between individuals that, when we are in genuine rapport with someone, we subconsciously match our body positions, movements, and even our breathing rhythms with theirs. Most interesting, in face-to-face encounters the brain’s ”mirror neurons” mimic not just behaviors, but sensations and feelings as well.

The original research came from Italy, where scientists were studying the brain cells of macaque monkeys. Researchers had confirmed that when a monkey performs a single highly specific hand action, neurons in the motor cortex are very active. For example, every time a monkey reached for a peanut, certain cells on either side of its brain “fired,” creating a buzzing sound that was detectable by highly sophisticated monitoring equipment.

One day a monkey wired up for such an experiment happened to see a human grab a peanut. Much to the researchers’ surprise, the same neurons fired in the same way. Because the cells reflected the actions that the monkey observed in others, the neuroscientists named them “mirror neurons.”

Later experiments confirmed the existence of mirror neurons in humans. But the research revealed another surprise: for human beings, in addition to mirroring actions, the cells reflected sensations and feelings.

The term empathy describes the human ability to internalize the emotional state of others by simply observing their body language. Empathizing with someone, whether in grief or joy, activates the very same circuits in your own brain as in your companion’s. For this reason mirror neurons are sometimes referred to as Dalai Lama neurons, because they provide a biological basis for compassion.

In his book, “On Becoming a Person,” psychologist Carl Rogers wrote, “Real communication occurs when we listen with understanding — to see the idea and attitude from the other person’s point of view, to sense how it feels to them, to achieve their frame of reference in regard to the thing they are talking about.”

Reaching that goal of understanding, of empathy, can mean a big difference in the business world. Which is why nonverbal cues are so important to our professional relationships and such a crucial part of business communication.

Another nonverbal component that comes solely with face-to-face encounters is touch. Usually considered to be the most primitive and essential form of communication, touch is so powerful and effective that clinical studies at Mayo Clinic show that premature babies who are stroked grow 40 percent faster than those who do not receive the same amount of touching.

And touch retains its power — even with adults in business settings. A study on handshakes by the Income Center for Trade Shows showed that people are twice as likely to remember you if you shake hands with them.

So, I’m all in favor of meeting you at lunch.

I’ll have the spaghetti vongole.

“The Artist” employs lush music, well-chosen but subtle sound effects, wonderful camera work . . . and no spoken words except in one brief final scene.

The movie honors an era of film making when the exquisite wording of a screenplay didn’t matter. What mattered most was the eloquent body language of the actors.

The plot of The Artist is fairly simple. George Valentin is a famous silent film star, but with the advent of sound and talkies, his career begins to fade. Early in the story he meets Peppy Miller, a newcomer who eventually becomes the next hot thing. It’s part romantic comedy involving the two main characters, part buddy picture with Uggie (a scene-stealing Jack Russsel), and part tragedy about the downfall of an actor as new technology and new talent takes over.

It’s also a superb example of the power of body language to convey the emotional component of any message. Jean Dujardin and Bérénice Bejo give touching performances. Longing, anger, flirtation, despair, love, joy – all these emotions don’t need words to be recognized. Though we can’t hear a word they’re saying, we can see exactly how they feel.

Leaders could learn a lot from this movie.