Body Talk

An argument between two debate coaches was caught on video and posted on YouTube on August 2. This was not the sharp-witted dialogue typically associated with college debate teams. Instead, the two traded profanity-laced barbs and outrageous body language – as one of the coaches pulled down his shorts, exposing his underwear, and pointed his rear end at the other coach.

Well, at least something this outlandish couldn’t occur in the business world.

Or could it?

While not quite on a par with mooning another coach, here’s what happened in 2007 between two executives at a Fortune 500 company.

As reported in the New York Times: “Lawsuits are flying between Dow Chemical and a former executive and board member. The legal face-off started as a spat over body language between CEO Andrew Liveris and Romeo Kreinberg, who ran the chemical and plastics portfolio. Liveris wrote in a review that he didn’t appreciate Kreinberg’s ‘negative body language,’ and threatened to fire him if Kreinberg didn’t stop pretending to shoot himself in the mouth with his finger every time Liveris proposed an initiative. Kreinberg was canned in three weeks, after an especially aggressive display in which he simulated the post-shot, through the head splatter, after Liveris issued a cost-cutting plan in a meeting.”

And you thought that nonverbal communication was dull . . .

Tossing your head back, throwing your arms up and out, expanding your chest, and flashing a big grin – that’s how you’d look if you won an Olympic gold medal. And if you lost, you’d slump your shoulders and narrow your chest.

And, according to a new study, the reason why you’d exhibit these particular postures has nothing to do with your nationality.  It’s in your biology!

For insight into the body language of pride and shame, scientists studied the behaviors of judo matches at the 2004 Olympic and Paralympic Games. The competitors represented 30 countries, including Algeria, Taiwan, Ukraine and the United States.

The research report in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences last week also stated that body language of blind and sighted athletes showed the same patterns. Since congenitally blind individuals could not have learned the nonverbal aspects of pride and shame from watching others, these displays of victory or defeat are likely to be an innate biological responses that have evolved over time.

Cindy McCain is sporting a stylish black sling on her right arm – due to a sprain that she got from the handshake of an overly enthusiastic supporter.

As dangerous as they are proving to be for Mrs. McCain (this is the second time that a bone-crushing grip put her in the hospital), handshakes are still an important social and business signal. One study on handshakes showed that people are two times more likely to remember you if you shake hands with them. The researchers also found that people react to those with whom they shake hands by being more open and friendly.

But, maybe we’d all better brush up on these handshake basics.

1. When shaking hands, look directly into the other person’s eyes. Looking at someone’s eyes transmits energy and indicates interest and openness. Greater eye contact almost always leads to greater liking and feelings of inclusion. (To improve your eye contact, make a practice of noticing the eye color of the person whose hand you are shaking.)
2. Smile. A smile is an invitation, a sign of welcome. It says, “I’m friendly and approachable.”
3. Stand when being introduced to someone and when extending your hand.
4. Make sure your right hand is free to shake hands. Always shift any briefcases, papers, beverages or cell phones to your left hand before you begin the greeting so you handshaking hand is ready for action.
5. Keep your body squared off to the other person – facing him or her fully.
6. Make sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that the web of you hand touches the web of the other person’s. Research with salespeople indicates that if customers don’t get this full palm contact, they wonder what the other person is hiding. If so, they may remain uncomfortable for the rest of the interaction and less likely to purchase.
7. Offer your hand with your palm facing sideways. When a person offers his hand with the palm faced upwards, it is considered to be a submissive gesture. Conversely, when someone offers his hand with the palm faced downwards (or twists his hand downward during the handshake) it sends a message of superiority. But people who offer a sideways hand to shake send a message of equality and confidence.
8. Shake hands firmly – but not in that macho, bone-crusher squeeze that results in injury or ill will.
9. Hold the other person’s hand a few fractions of a second longer than you are naturally inclined to do. This conveys additional sincerity and quite literally “holds” the other person’s attention while you exchange greetings.
10. Start talking before you let go: “It’s great to meet you” or “I’m so glad to be here.”

Follow these guidelines and make the world a safer place for Cindy McCain – and all of us!

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an executive coach, author and keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. Her latest book and program topic is THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.  For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her websites: www.CKG.com and www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

Years ago, I was one of two female consultants being considered for a speaking engagement at an international leadership conference. My competitor and I were flown to New York for an interview with the male executive who would make the final decision.

As we sat in the waiting room of his office, I watched as the other consultant (a very attractive young woman), removed her wedding ring and put it in her purse. When she noticed me watching her, she shrugged and said, “Sex sells.”

Well . . . not always.

Research presented at the Academy of Management’s annual meeting found that flirting has a detrimental effect on negotiations. In a UC Berkeley study, professors had female and male actors play the roles of sellers of a biotech business. Half were told to project a no-nonsense, business approach.” Half were instructed to flirt (using the nonverbal behaviors of smiling, leaning forward suggestively, tossing their hair, etc.).

The outcome was that the “buyers” offered the flirts 20% less, on average, than what they offered the more straitlaced sellers. The only payoff for the women flirts in the study was that they were deemed “more likeable.”

The outcome of the interviews I referred to earlier was that the executive extended his discussion with the other consultant over dinner that night.

I dined alone – but I got the job.

When you see someone with his or her arms crossed – what is your first impression of that person? Closed off? Resistant? Negative?

While there is much research suggesting these impressions may be valid (in one such study, students with crossed arms and legs were found to have a 38% lower level of retention of information than those who assumed a more open and relaxed posture), there is also evidence that this gesture may have another, more positive meaning.

In experiments published in the European Journal of Social Psychology, researchers Ron Friedman and Andrew J. Elliot found that the people with crossed arms demonstrated higher levels of persistence in the face of challenges than people with uncrossed arms. The crossed arms group hung in longer when it came to impossible tasks, and were also more successful when it came to difficult, but doable, challenges.

So the next time you see someone with crossed arms, be careful not to judge them too quickly. They may not be resistant – they may be drawing on hidden reserves of persistence.

On a recent radio interview entitled “What you’re saying without speaking,” (http://marketplace.publicradio.org/display/web/2008/08/04/non_verbal) I was asked to comment on the body language of Marketplace host Kai Ryssdal. He was a very good sport about being critiqued in public, and he quickly understood that in order to change your body language you must first be aware of what your body is saying.

This isn’t as easy as you may think. Take Sara, for example . . .

Sara, a vice president at a utility company, complained that she was consistently overlooked for senior positions. “I don’t know what I’m doing wrong,” she told me. “I’m smart, enthusiastic and hard-working. I can’t figure out why people don’t warm up to me.”

Well, maybe she couldn’t figure it out, but if you saw her in action, you’d know exactly what her problem was.

During my session with Sara, her eyes darted around the room as if searching for the nearest exit, her hands made choppy gestures, and she drummed her fingers on the conference table. I’d been with the woman for only twenty minutes, and already l was just as jumpy as she made all her business colleagues feel when dealing with her.

Sarah perceived herself as projecting enthusiasm and energy. But the nonverbal cues she displayed were sending a loud and clear message of impatience and nervousness.

This is a common situation with body language. Often, your nonverbal signals don’t convey what you intended them to. You may be slouching because you’re tired, but people read it as a sign of disinterest. You may be more comfortable standing with your arms folded across your chest (or you may be cold), but others see you as resistant and unapproachable. And keeping your hands stiffly by your side or stuffed in your pockets can give the impression that you’re insecure – whether you are or not.

With nonverbal communication, it’s not how the sender feels that matters most, it is how the observer perceives how the sender feels. And those interpretations are often made deep in the subconscious mind, based on a primitive emotional reaction that hasn’t changed much since humans began interacting with one another.

So, the next time you’re preparing for a job interview, an important meeting or a big presentation, rehearse for it in front of a video camera. Then view the video, staying as objective as possible. (If you can hire a coach to help you, that’s even better.)

Just be kind to yourself. My clients are often stunned by their body language when they watch a video of themselves for the first time. After viewing his recording of a mock job interview, one incredulous client exclaimed, “Hell, I wouldn’t hire me!”

Remember – whether you are speaking to a business audience of 500, pitching a product/service to potential buyers, or presenting your idea at a team meeting, you are “on stage.” And whenever you are on stage, nonverbal signals are key. People will be judging you by your appearance and your body language. And they’ll do it quickly. Often, they will have come to a conclusion about you before you’ve even had a chance to dazzle them with any of your content.

I don’t mean that your words don’t matter. Obviously, if you want people to be convinced, emotionally touched or motivated to action, you will need to have relevant and meaningful content when you address them. But since body language sends its own set of messages, you’ll also need to gain the nonverbal advantage.

To gain that advantage when dealing with members of your team, you need to send signals of trust and respect. Here are some nonverbal behaviors that send positive messages:

• When someone else is talking, face that person directly. Even a quarter turn away signals your lack of interest and makes the speaker shut down.
• Remove barriers between you and the other person. Take away things that block your view. Move the phone or stacks of paper on your desk. Better still, come out from behind your desk.
• Maintain positive eye contact. Remember that people will assume you are not listening (and not interested) if your eyes scan the room or if your gaze shifts to your Blackberry or computer screen.
• Show your hands and use palm-up hand gestures when speaking. Hidden hands signal that you may have something to hide, and open palms send messages of candor and openness.
• Synchronize your body language with the person you are dealing with. Subtly match their stance, arm positions and facial expressions. (You do unconsciously with your friends all the time.)
• Use head nods. This signal encourages people to continue speaking and “says” that you appreciate their comments.

Making sure you understand the kind of signals your body is sending is important every time you are talking to someone. Our brains are programmed to read each other’s body language, and your colleagues, clients and customers will be watching yours to gain insight into your underlying motives and concerns.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an executive coach and a keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. Her latest book is THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.  For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her websites: www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and www.CKG.com