Archive for January, 2009

Eye Contact Matters

Friday, January 23rd, 2009

“Look at me when I’m talking to you!” We’ve all heard this admonition from parents and teachers because eye contact meant that we were paying attention. Although eye contact has different meanings in different cultures, in North America (and many other countries) eye contact shows respect. It is a nonverbal way to convey that we think that what someone has to say is important and that we regard them highly enough to give them our full attention.

In business situations, positive eye contact almost always leads to greater liking, and, in most cases, too little eye contact is interpreted negatively. (One hospital, analyzing letters of complaints from patients, reported that 90 percent of the complaints had to do with poor doctor eye contact, which was perceived as a “lack of caring.”) Remember that people will assume you are not listening and not interested if your eyes scan the room or if your gaze shifts to paperwork or your computer screen.

It’s difficult, sometimes, for shy people to look directly into another person’s eyes, but looking away can actually make you appear less attractive to another person.

A recent UK study found that participants found photos of people who are smiling and looking directly at you to be the most attractive, and the very same faces were found to be less attractive when looking away or off to the side.

Of course, the trick here is to find the right balance between total gaze avoidance and an unrelenting stare that makes you look like a crazed stalker. A simple way to increase positive eye contact is to make a mental note of the eye color of everyone you meet. You don’t have to remember the color, just notice it. With this one simple exercise, you will dramatically increase your skill at building rapport.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an executive coach, author, consultant and keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. Her latest book is “THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her website: http://wwwNonverbalAdvantage.com.

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The Truth About “Lie to Me”

Wednesday, January 21st, 2009

On Fox’s new drama, “Lie to Me,” Tim Roth’s character, Dr. Cal Lightman, is a human lie detector with the ability to recognize a variety of body language cues that indicate deception. The show’s science is based on solid research in emotions and nonverbal communication. But is it really that easy to spot a liar?

Well, yes . . . and no.

Yes, liars can “leak” nonverbal information in telltale “micro expressions” (those genuine emotions that flash across someone’s face in less than one-fifth of a second) and “suppressed expressions,” which slip out before realized and are then replaced with more acceptable reactions.

Yes, there are behaviors that suggest deception. Some examples are:
o Incongruence between what’s being said and the speaker’s body language (like saying “no” while nodding “yes”).
o An increased blink rate or eyelid flutter.
o Gazing downward after asserting innocence.
o Shorter, less descriptive statements.
o Incomplete gestures, like a shrug that uses only one shoulder.
o A decrease in hand gestures, especially those used to illustrate speech – like drawing pictures in the air to help explain what is meant.
o Fidgeting feet that shuffle, wind around each other, stretch and curl or kick out.
o Dilated pupils.
o Face touching – especially around the mouth and nose.
o Discrepancies in timing: When the lie is well rehearsed, deceivers start their answers more quickly than truth-tellers. If taken by surprise, however, the liar takes longer to respond.

It’s also true you are already subconsciously picking up on signals of deception. Your ability to do that is one of your basic survival instincts. In human’s early history, rapidly deciding if someone was dangerous or duplicitous was often a matter of life or death.

But, as innate as this ability may be, and as compelling as the scientific research is, it’s not all that easy to catch a liar. Here’s why . . .

1) There is no fool-proof signal for deception. Most cues, including blink rates, vocal tone, pupil dilation, etc., are signs of heightened anxiety and stress. But there is no way of telling if the observed stress is caused by lying or by something else. Likewise, incongruence, where gestures contradict words, may be a sign of deceit or simply an indication of some inner conflict between what the person is thinking and saying.

2) Although done with ease on television shows, micro expressions are difficult for most of us to spot without video footage to review. (Suppressed expressions are somewhat easier to see because they appear more often and last longer.)

3) Deceit signs may differ from individual to individual. Take eye contact, for example: Some liars shift their gaze and won’t meet your eyes, while others give too much eye contact. One person may raise her vocal pitch when she lies while another speaks in a flat, unemotional tone.

4) Nonverbal cues need to be evaluated in what is called a “gesture cluster” – a group of movements, postures and actions that reinforce a common point. A single gesture can have several meanings or mean nothing at all. So when you are trying to catch a liar, you can never do it from a signal deceit behavior.

5) It’s tough to spot deception unless you know a person’s baseline behavior under relaxed or generally stress-free conditions. The more you understand which gestures or postures are part of someone’s unique repertoire, the more you can spot significant deviation from these patterns.

6) All nonverbal communication is influenced by cultural heritage, and the higher the stress level, the more likely it is that culture-specific gestures will show up. It is extremely difficult to judge nonverbal deception cues in people from another culture.

7) No one, not even with the aid of a fMRI to track brain activity, can identify liars who believe the lies they are telling.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is a professional speaker, executive coach, and the author of THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.  For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her web site: www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

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Body Language Training for Women in Business

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

Here’s my latest speech and seminar topic . . .

BODY LANGUAGE FOR WOMEN WHO MEAN BUSINESS

o Are you aware that within your first seven seconds of meeting people, they have already decided if you are competent, confident and trustworthy?
o Did you know that when your body language is out of alignment with your verbal message, people believe what they see–not what you say?
o Did you know that the way you sit, stand or look at others reveals volumes about your true intent?
o Did you know that your business colleagues are constantly telling you what they think and feel, but it often has nothing to do with the words they use?

Body language cues are especially important for women in the workplace, and they differ markedly from those of a man. Women are better than men at reading nonverbal signals, but women are less aware of how to present themselves in ways that optimize their credibility, confidence and power.

Carol Kinsey Goman, accomplished author, personal business coach, and keynote speaker can show your audience how to take this mostly unconscious process and turn it into a compelling communication skill.

o How to read other people’s bodies from head to toes
o The ways women give away their power – without saying a word
o Why a certain kind of eye contact can get you into trouble
o Why head tilts and nods send the wrong message
o Seven powerful mannerisms that lead to positive first impressions
o How coupling a single touch with a single word can make you unforgettable
o What happens to your credibility when you smile at the wrong time

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is the author of THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE-Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work. She addresses association, government and business audiences around the world. To hire Carol to speak to your group, contact her by phone: 510-526-1727; e-mail: CGoman@CKG.com, or view video clip on her website: ww.NonVerbalAdvantage.com.

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Happy New Year – You’re Fired!

Friday, January 2nd, 2009

Tips for Surviving in an Uncertain Workplace
Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D.

With many of us feeling the pain of an economic slowdown, it’s important to be aware of and proactive about possible changes in our organizations. While we can’t control the economy or the other forces of change, we can position ourselves to survive and even thrive in these challenging times.

Here are six tips to consider, whether you feel secure or think your job may soon disappear:

1. Don’t get caught unaware. Too often, workers fail to recognize the early signs of looming layoffs, downsizing or shutdowns and are caught by surprise when they find themselves without a job. Keep your eyes open for signs of trouble: Notice if there are large-scale layoffs throughout your industry, if new competitors are increasingly crowding the market, or if demand for your company’s product or service is dropping.

2. Imagine the worst-case scenario and make a plan. What if you lost your job? What would you do? When you examine and confront the situation, you can consider possible options. At the very least, you will feel that you have more control over your reactions if that scenario should indeed occur.  Here’s the trick: Once you have a plan of action, stop focusing on the potential downside and start searching for potential opportunities.

3. Stay in the game. In tough times, your first reaction may be to “hunker down.” Nothing could be less helpful. This is a time to become very visible in your organization. In a recent survey of 150 business executives, 49% said they consider an employee’s dedication to the company’s mission and values when downsizing. So volunteer for projects, take credit for your success, and speak up. And if you can come with ways your organization can save money – now is your time to really shine!

4. Watch what you don’t say. Use positive body language in meetings: maintain good eye contact, sit forward in your chair, and lean slightly toward the person who is speaking. All of these are nonverbal signals that you are engaged and energized.

5. Read the body language of your boss. Only a small part of what you subconsciously interpret from what people say to you comes from the words they use. You get most of the message (and all of the emotional nuance behind the words) from vocal tone, pacing, facial expressions and body language. Now is the time to hone this innate but latent ability and turn it into a survival skill.

6. Network, network, network. First, understand the importance of “social capital.” Capital is defined as “accumulated wealth, especially as used to produce more wealth.” Social capital is the wealth (or benefit) that exists because of your social relationships. Think of social capital as the value created by your connections to others. There is no more valuable commodity in today’s volatile business environment.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an author and keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. She is the author of THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.  For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her website: www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

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