Over the weekend my husband and I attended a concert held in the home of a neighbor. During the break between musical pieces, the audience drank wine and mingled. So, of course, I started noticing body language.
One of the things that stuck me was the difference in body orientation between the men and the women in the group: When talking with one another, the women would usually stand in a squared off position – facing one another “heart to heart.” The men, however, took a more oblique angle position.
This makes sense when you think about it. For males, the squared off position is unconsciously too confrontational. (Think of the body language of two prize fighters as they face each other at the beginning of the bout.)
I’m not the only body language expert who has noticed this effect. David Young trains bouncers on how to handle potentially explosive situations. A lot of the techniques he teaches are how to read non-verbal cues in others as well as how to send the right body-language signals to customers.
For example, when talking to an emotional customer, Young advises security staff not to stand directly in front of the patron, as this position appears aggressive and confrontational. Instead, security professionals are told to stand to the side, body turned out slightly – a much friendlier stance.
A female manager I’m coaching leads an all-male team. Once she adjusted her body stance to an oblique position, she found her colleagues were much more comfortable around her.
Try it for yourself – and let me know how it works for you.