Posts Tagged ‘Carol Kinsey Goman’

Smile Power – Your Secret to Success

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Smiles have a powerful effect on all of us.  The human brain prefers happy faces, recognizing them more quickly than those with negative expressions. Smiles are such an important part of communication that we spot a smile at 300 feet — the length of a football field.  Smiles can also be your secret to success. Here are five reasons to activate your smile power:

1. You’ll feel better – even if you fake it

We all use the fake smile in business settings when we don’t really feel an emotional closeness to those around us; the real smile is reserved for those we truly care about. And we’ve had a lot of practice doing this. We’ve been displaying both real and fake smiles all of our lives. A fake smile is easy to produce. It takes only one set of muscles to stretch the lip corners sideways and create a grin.

There’s no doubt that the “best” smiles are genuine. They light up your face, crinkle the corners of your eyes and produces positive physiological changes in your body temperature and heart rate. But consider research findings that even if the smile is mechanically produced, positive feelings still emerge. This study matched samples of people looking at cartoons. The first group ranked every cartoon as funnier than the second group. The only difference is that members of the first group were asked to hold a pencil crosswise between their back teeth. The simulated smile caused by the pencil between their teeth effected their emotion – and their perception of the cartoons as funnier.

2. You’ll be unforgettable

Why do some people make a lasting impression while others are quite forgettable? The answer may be in their smile.

Research from Duke University proves that we like and remember those who smile at us – and shows why we find them more memorable. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), the Duke researchers found that the orbitofrontal cortices (a “reward center” in the brain) were more active when subjects were learning and recalling the names of smiling individuals.

3. You’ll encourage collaboration

No one, regardless of how intelligent he or she may be, can succeed alone. We all need the knowledge and ideas of others. You know that. But did your know that by merely smiling or frowning you can influence how a speaker reports information and how it is subsequently remembered, and possibly passed on?

According to research conducted reported by the British Psychological Society, positive and negative emotional responses systematically alter the use of language. Speak to a positive listener and people will likely use more abstractions and subjective impressions. But if people talk to a negative listener, they’ll probably stick to the relative security of objective facts and concrete details.

Researchers speculate that this is because the smiles and nods of a positive listener are interpreted as a sign of agreement and understanding, encouraging the speaker to provide more of their own opinions and speculations. By contrast, negative listeners provoke speakers to adopt a more hesitant and cautious thinking style.

4. You’ll improve your productivity

Charles Garfield, the author of Peak Performance, once coached the Russian Olympic weight-lifting team. Garfield noticed that when team members lifted to exhaustion, they would invariably grimace at the painful effort. In an experiment, he encouraged the athletes to smile when they got to that point of exhaustion. This seemingly minor difference enabled them to add 2-3 more reps to their performance.

No matter the task, when you grimace or frown while doing it, you are sending your brain the message, “This is really difficult. I should stop.”  The brain then responds by sending stress chemicals into your bloodstream. And this creates a vicious circle: the more stressed you are, the more difficult the task becomes.

When you smile, your brain gets the message, “It’s not so bad. I can do this!”

5.You’ll positively contaminate others

Some nonverbal behaviors can bring out the best in people. Smiling is one of them, as it directly influences how other people respond. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.

Maybe that’s why a DePauw University study found that people whose smiles were weakest in snapshots from childhood through young adulthood were most likely to be divorced in middle or old age. (1 in 4 compared to 1 in 20 for the widest smilers.)

And if you ever go to trial, keep this in mind: Although courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and non-smilers guilty, they tend to give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the “smile-leniency effect.”

Want to brighten your mood, make a lasting impression, encourage collaboration, lighten your work load, and positively influence others? Then smile – really smile. Think of someone who genuinely amuses or delights you. But if you can’t do that, then fake it . . . or hold a pencil in your mouth.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, change-management consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS” will be published in the spring of 2011 To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s websites are http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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The Body Language of Pgymalion Leadership

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Pygmalion in the Classroom, one of the most controversial publications in the history of educational research, shows how a teacher’s expectations can motivate student achievement. This classic study gave prospective teachers a list of students who had been identified as “high achievers.” The teachers were told to expect remarkable results from these students, and at the end of the year, the students did indeed make sharp increases on their IQ test scores.

In reality, these children had been chosen at random, not as a result of any testing. It was the teachers’ belief in their potential that was responsible for the extraordinary results. The children were never told they were high achievers, but this message was delivered subtly and nonverbally through expectancy behaviors such as facial expressions, gestures, touch, and spatial relationships.

In much the same way, a leader’s expectations of employees and their expectations of themselves are also key factors in how well people perform at work. Pygmalion leadership is in operation when staff excels in response to the manager’s message that they are capable of success and expected to succeed. This effect was described by J. Sterling Livingston Harvard Business Review article, Pygmalion in Management: “The way managers treat their subordinates is subtly influenced by what they expect of them.”

Of course, we’ve all seen instances where the reverse is true – where a leader’s verbal and (my special interest) nonverbal communication undermine staff performance and lower productivity.

I’ve also noted that sometimes these negative nonverbal behaviors aren’t all that subtle. Take, for example, this email I received recently: My boss drives us crazy with her mixed messages. She says things like, “You are always welcome in my office” and “You are all an important part of the team.” At the same time, her nonverbal communication is constantly showing how unimportant we are to her. She never makes eye contact, will shuffle papers when others talk, writes email while we answer her questions and generally does not give her full attention. In fact, we don’t even rate her half attention! Then she wonders why we’re all so demoralized.

Here’s a suggestion from my book, The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work: Imagine that you found out that everyone on your staff had been identified as a high achiever.  And imagine that this was a secret you couldn’t share with anyone on your staff – except through your body language. How would you use to let people know they were special? (More eye contact? Appreciative nods? Smiles?) Remember that what you tell them is motivating only if your nonverbal signals corroborate it.

Once you get a good idea of what you would do, take one full week and treat everyone who works for or with you as if they were potential stars. See if at least some of them don’t start living up to the high expectations your body language signals send.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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Why Jane Doesn’t Lead

Monday, January 4th, 2010

At some date in the first months of 2010, women will cross the 50% threshold and become the majority of the American workforce. Females already make up the majority of university graduates in the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) countries as well as the majority of professional workers in several rich countries, including the United States. And women already run many of the world’s great companies, from PepsiCo in America to Areva in France.

As a speaker at business conferences, I’ve addressed organizations around the world, and I’ve seen the genuine commitment that many companies have made to develop the leadership abilities of female employees and to create workplace environments with family-friendly policies and flexible work arrangements — all in hopes of attracting, retaining and grooming women for top management roles.

But despite this effort and this progress, far-too-many talented females, still bump their heads on a glass ceiling: Only 2% of the senior leaders of America’s largest companies and 5% of their peers in Britain are women.

In my book, “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work,” I talk about the power of silent signals in the workplace. So I was fascinated to come across research that helps explain why even the best-intentioned efforts at developing women leaders are failing.

This is research that deals with emergent leadership in groups of equal status. And the findings have everything to do with body language.

Doré Butler and Florence Geis at the University of Delaware compared the nonverbal affect responses to male and female leaders and found that intellectual assertiveness by women in mixed-sex discussions elicits visible nonverbal cues of negative affect. Females taking a leadership role in the group received fewer pleased responses and more displeased responses from fellow group members than male leaders speaking up and offering the same input.

From earlier research, we know that displeased expressions by fellow group members cause a leader’s contribution to be rated less valuable than the identical contribution when

embedded with cues of approval. So you can see how women’s ideas can be devalued simply by receiving less positive and more negative responses than men’s contributions of the same objective quality.

Here’s what can happen in a team meeting: A woman states her opinion. In response, negative nonverbal affect cues — frowns, head shakes, eye contact avoidance, etc. — are displayed, processed, and often mimicked by the entire group to produce a negative consensus about the value of her contribution. And all of this occurs without individuals on the team being aware of what’s happening.

At a time when conscious responses (direct answers on questionnaires, etc.) are becoming increasingly egalitarian, covert, unconscious responses still reflect discrimination against women taking a leadership role. Since hiring, salary, and promotion (especially to top leadership positions) often depend on being recognized as an emergent leader, this puts females at a distinct disadvantage.

Three key points:

1. This was a study of leadership behaviors in peer groups. There is no evidence to suggest that women in formal leadership roles generate any greater negative (or less positive) emotional cues than do their male counterparts.

2. This was not about men discounting the contribution of women. The groups in the study had an equal mix of male and female members.

3. The power of nonverbal communication lies its unconscious nature — and bringing the covert into awareness can help nullify its effect. (So, circulate this article!)

So, if you want to groom women for top positions in your organization, keep doing those things that have proven to be helpful: Offer females the coaching, mentors, and career opportunities that develop leadership potential.

But, in addition, pay attention to your own body language. Employees look for and emulate the nonverbal signals they get from their bosses. Current leaders can help create a level playing field for emergent leaders by providing the same cues of positive affect (eye contact, smiling, nodding, leaning forward, etc.) when listening to women as they do when listening to men.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, change-management consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s websites are http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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Personal Curb Appeal

Monday, December 7th, 2009

I’ve learned a few things about selling a house. I know, for instance, that much depends on timing (economic timing as well as the time of year you put the house on the market), and of course the mantra “location, location, location” is still paramount. I’ve also found out that a property needs “curb appeal.” That is, it needs to make a special, positive, and instant impression when prospective buyers first see it.

So when I read Drew Westen’s fabulous book, The Political Brain (about the role of emotion in politics), I wasn’t at all surprised to learn that curb appeal is also crucial in political campaigns.

Of course, Westen is referring to personal curb appeal. According to Westen, “One of the main determinants of electoral success,” he explains, “is simply a candidate’s curb appeal. Curb appeal is the feeling voters get when they ‘drive by’ a candidate a few times on television and form an emotional impression.”

Research shows that personal curb appeal can be assessed quickly. Psychologists Nalini Ambady and Bob Rosenthal conducted experiments involving what they called “thin slices of behavior.” These studies have been referenced in numerous writings – most famously, in Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink. In one such study, subjects watched a 30-second clip of college teachers at the beginning of a term and rated them on characteristics such as accepting, active, competent, and confident. The results were startling. Raters were able to accurately predict how students would evaluate those same teachers at the end of the course.

Personal curb appeal is also primarily a nonverbal process. When Ambady and Rosenthal turned off the audio portion of the teachers’ video clip, so that subjects had to rely only on body language cues, the accuracy of their 30-second predictions remained just as high.

How’s your personal curb appeal? When your co-workers, clients, and business partners “drive by” you, how do you come across? If you’d like to improve, here are five tips to keep in mind:

1) Dress for success.

Joyce is a successful educator and entrepreneur. One of the secrets of her success is the way she dresses. Even when traveling for a vacation, Joyce is in a business suit and heels. Her motto: “Wear great clothes. You never know whom you’ll meet!”

When it comes to curb appeal, the way you dress matters. A lot. Clothing has an effect on both the observer and the wearer. It has been proven that people are more likely to give money (charitable donations, tips) or information to someone if that person is well dressed. And, if you’d ever watched actors at their first dress rehearsal, you’d be convinced of the power of the right costume to powerfully impact what the wearer feels.

Dressing for success doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to wear a suit to work. Many organizations have a more casual dress code. But it does mean that whatever you wear should help you make the statement that you are a competent professional.

2) Maintain positive eye contact.

Eye contact is most effective when both parties feel its intensity is appropriate for the situation. This may differ with introverts/extroverts, men/women, or between different cultures. But, in general, greater eye contact — especially in intervals lasting four to five seconds –almost always leads to greater liking.

Looking at someone’s eyes transmits energy and indicates interest. As long as you are looking at me, I believe that I have your full attention. In my book, “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work,” I offer a simple way to improve your likeability factor: Whenever you greet a business colleague, remember to look into her eyes long enough to notice what color they are.

3) Learn to speak the body language of inclusion.

Back-to-back doesn’t do it. But belly-to-belly – facing people directly when talking with them – does. Even a quarter turn away signals your lack of interest and makes the speaker shut down.

Remove barriers between you and the other person. Take away things that block your view. Move the phone or stacks of paper on your desk. Better still, come out from behind your desk and sit next to the person you’re dealing with.

Use palm-up hand gestures when speaking. Keeping your movements relaxed, using open arm gestures, and showing the palms of your hands — all are silent signals of credibility and candor. Individuals with open gestures are perceived more positively and are more persuasive than those with closed gestures (arms crossed, hands hidden or held close to the body, etc.).

Synchronize your body language to mirror your partner’s. Subtly match his stance, arm positions and facial expressions. You may not realize, by the way, that you do this naturally with people you genuinely like or agree with. It’s a way of nonverbally signaling that you are connected and engaged.

4. Use your head.

The next time you are in a conversation where you’re trying to encourage the other person to speak more, nod your head using clusters of three nods at regular intervals. Research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual when the listener nods in this manner. You’ll be amazed at how this single nonverbal signal can trigger such a positive response.

Head tilting is another signal that you are interested and involved. As such, head tilts can be very positive cues when you want to send messages of empathy and understanding. But a tilted head is also subconsciously processed as a submission signal. (Dogs will tilt to show their necks in deference to a more dominant animal.) And in business negotiations with men, women – who tend to head-tilt the most – should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

5) Activate your smile power.

A smile is an invitation, a sign of welcome. It says, “I’m friendly and approachable.” The human brain prefers happy faces, recognizing them more quickly than those with negative expressions. In fact, a smile is such an important signal to social interaction that it can be recognized from 300 feet — more than a football field away.

Most importantly, smiling directly influences how other people respond to you. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way. This one simple act will instantly and powerfully increase your curb appeal.

Drew Westen found that, after party affiliation, the most important predictor of how people vote is their emotional reaction (gut feeling) toward the candidate. I found similar results in the work place. We all want to do business with and work for people who come across as friendly, trustworthy, competent, confident, and empathetic.

I can’t guarantee you’ll win a political election. But improve your curb appeal and I will guarantee that you’ll be more successful in your career.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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The Obama-Clinton Touch

Thursday, December 4th, 2008

A frequently commented on aspect of the evolving relationship between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton is how much they touch each other. Recently, there have been images of Barak with his hand on Hillary’s arm, the two of them on stage leaning into one another and touching shoulders, and (after the announcement of her nomination as secretary of state) leaving the press conference with their arms around each other’s backs.

Interesting – but what does it mean?

For one thing it means is that they both are comfortable with touch as a way of expressing themselves – and that, in turn, may mean a lot for the rest of us.

Touch has become a controversial issue in nearly every area of life – certainly in the workplace, where inappropriate touching can be grounds for dismissal or even prosecution. But in our sensitivity to political correctness, we may have lost a potent way to connect with others. Sometimes the simple act of touching someone to show support, encouragement, agreement, sympathy or gratitude adds the personal warmth to our communication that is otherwise lacking.

There are legitimate reasons for limiting physical encounters under professional conditions. Like any other nonverbal cue, touch can be misused as a power play or manipulation. Some people may use touch to display a sense of control or one-upmanship, and in those cases, a touch can feel condescending, uncomfortable, and be unwelcome.

Still, we may have overcompensated. We are now living in a touch-phobic society has taken something powerful and deeply human out of our interactions.

Usually considered to be the most primitive and essential form of communication, touch is so potent and effective that clinical studies at Mayo Clinic show that premature babies who are stroked grow 40 percent faster than those who do not receive the same amount of touching.

And touch retains its power — even with adults in business settings. A study on handshakes (by the Income Center for Trade Shows) showed that people are two times more likely to remember you if you shake hands with them. The trade-show researchers also found that people react to those with whom they shake hands by being more open and friendly.

Here’s why  . . .

We are programmed to feel closer to someone who’s touched us. The person who touches also feels more connected. It’s a compelling force and even momentary touching can create a human bond. A touch on the forearm that lasts a mere 1/40 of a second can make the receiver not only feel better but also see the giver as being kinder and warmer.

Research by the Cornell University School of Hotel Administration shows that being touched increase the tips that customers leave their servers. At two informal restaurants, waitresses had assigned to them customers who were randomly divided into three categories. Some customers were not touched at all, others were touched once on the shoulder for about one and a half seconds, and the rest were touched twice on the palm of the hand for about half a second each. All touches were casually given as the waitress returned change to their customers at the end of the meal. In all cases, eye contact was avoided

The results at both restaurants were significant. Customers who weren’t touched left an average tip of 12%. Tips increased to 14% from those who were touched on the shoulders, and to 17% from those touched twice on the hand.

But it isn’t only in restaurants that customers respond favorably to touch. In many commercial settings, casually touching customers has been shown to increase the time they spend in a store, the amounts they purchase, and the favorable evaluation of their shopping experience in that store.  In related studies, touch was found to increase the number of people who volunteered to score papers and sign petitions. It was also observed that supermarket customers who had been touched were more likely to taste and purchase food samples than non-touched customers.

My friend, Bill is a natural “toucher.” As such, he utilizes an interesting and effective communication technique. When he speaks, he touches the listener (most always on the forearm) to add emphasis to key parts of his statements. Touching ensures that, for a moment, he has someone’s full attention. Because touch is used most often when we believe strongly in something (a liar will rarely touch the one he is talking to), Bill’s touching also subconsciously enhances his credibility.

Isn’t that amazing?  Through a single touch we instantly become more likeable, friendly, memorable, and credible.

By offering a public example of two people at ease with touch, could Barack and Hillary be showing us that it is okay to find appropriate and friendly ways to touch in public?

I hope so!

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an executive coach, author and keynote speaker who addresses association, government, and business audiences around the world. Her latest book is THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work and her customized programs on this topic include “The Nonverbal Advantage in Sales,” “The Silent Language of Leadership,” and “Body Language for Women Who Mean Business.”  For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her websites: www.CKG.com and www.NonverbalAdvantage.com

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