Posts Tagged ‘communication’

Personal Curb Appeal

Monday, December 7th, 2009

I’ve learned a few things about selling a house. I know, for instance, that much depends on timing (economic timing as well as the time of year you put the house on the market), and of course the mantra “location, location, location” is still paramount. I’ve also found out that a property needs “curb appeal.” That is, it needs to make a special, positive, and instant impression when prospective buyers first see it.

So when I read Drew Westen’s fabulous book, The Political Brain (about the role of emotion in politics), I wasn’t at all surprised to learn that curb appeal is also crucial in political campaigns.

Of course, Westen is referring to personal curb appeal. According to Westen, “One of the main determinants of electoral success,” he explains, “is simply a candidate’s curb appeal. Curb appeal is the feeling voters get when they ‘drive by’ a candidate a few times on television and form an emotional impression.”

Research shows that personal curb appeal can be assessed quickly. Psychologists Nalini Ambady and Bob Rosenthal conducted experiments involving what they called “thin slices of behavior.” These studies have been referenced in numerous writings – most famously, in Malcolm Gladwell’s book, Blink. In one such study, subjects watched a 30-second clip of college teachers at the beginning of a term and rated them on characteristics such as accepting, active, competent, and confident. The results were startling. Raters were able to accurately predict how students would evaluate those same teachers at the end of the course.

Personal curb appeal is also primarily a nonverbal process. When Ambady and Rosenthal turned off the audio portion of the teachers’ video clip, so that subjects had to rely only on body language cues, the accuracy of their 30-second predictions remained just as high.

How’s your personal curb appeal? When your co-workers, clients, and business partners “drive by” you, how do you come across? If you’d like to improve, here are five tips to keep in mind:

1) Dress for success.

Joyce is a successful educator and entrepreneur. One of the secrets of her success is the way she dresses. Even when traveling for a vacation, Joyce is in a business suit and heels. Her motto: “Wear great clothes. You never know whom you’ll meet!”

When it comes to curb appeal, the way you dress matters. A lot. Clothing has an effect on both the observer and the wearer. It has been proven that people are more likely to give money (charitable donations, tips) or information to someone if that person is well dressed. And, if you’d ever watched actors at their first dress rehearsal, you’d be convinced of the power of the right costume to powerfully impact what the wearer feels.

Dressing for success doesn’t necessarily mean that you have to wear a suit to work. Many organizations have a more casual dress code. But it does mean that whatever you wear should help you make the statement that you are a competent professional.

2) Maintain positive eye contact.

Eye contact is most effective when both parties feel its intensity is appropriate for the situation. This may differ with introverts/extroverts, men/women, or between different cultures. But, in general, greater eye contact — especially in intervals lasting four to five seconds –almost always leads to greater liking.

Looking at someone’s eyes transmits energy and indicates interest. As long as you are looking at me, I believe that I have your full attention. In my book, “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work,” I offer a simple way to improve your likeability factor: Whenever you greet a business colleague, remember to look into her eyes long enough to notice what color they are.

3) Learn to speak the body language of inclusion.

Back-to-back doesn’t do it. But belly-to-belly – facing people directly when talking with them – does. Even a quarter turn away signals your lack of interest and makes the speaker shut down.

Remove barriers between you and the other person. Take away things that block your view. Move the phone or stacks of paper on your desk. Better still, come out from behind your desk and sit next to the person you’re dealing with.

Use palm-up hand gestures when speaking. Keeping your movements relaxed, using open arm gestures, and showing the palms of your hands — all are silent signals of credibility and candor. Individuals with open gestures are perceived more positively and are more persuasive than those with closed gestures (arms crossed, hands hidden or held close to the body, etc.).

Synchronize your body language to mirror your partner’s. Subtly match his stance, arm positions and facial expressions. You may not realize, by the way, that you do this naturally with people you genuinely like or agree with. It’s a way of nonverbally signaling that you are connected and engaged.

4. Use your head.

The next time you are in a conversation where you’re trying to encourage the other person to speak more, nod your head using clusters of three nods at regular intervals. Research shows that people will talk three to four times more than usual when the listener nods in this manner. You’ll be amazed at how this single nonverbal signal can trigger such a positive response.

Head tilting is another signal that you are interested and involved. As such, head tilts can be very positive cues when you want to send messages of empathy and understanding. But a tilted head is also subconsciously processed as a submission signal. (Dogs will tilt to show their necks in deference to a more dominant animal.) And in business negotiations with men, women – who tend to head-tilt the most – should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

5) Activate your smile power.

A smile is an invitation, a sign of welcome. It says, “I’m friendly and approachable.” The human brain prefers happy faces, recognizing them more quickly than those with negative expressions. In fact, a smile is such an important signal to social interaction that it can be recognized from 300 feet — more than a football field away.

Most importantly, smiling directly influences how other people respond to you. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way. This one simple act will instantly and powerfully increase your curb appeal.

Drew Westen found that, after party affiliation, the most important predictor of how people vote is their emotional reaction (gut feeling) toward the candidate. I found similar results in the work place. We all want to do business with and work for people who come across as friendly, trustworthy, competent, confident, and empathetic.

I can’t guarantee you’ll win a political election. But improve your curb appeal and I will guarantee that you’ll be more successful in your career.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

The Greatest Gift

Tuesday, December 2nd, 2008

I was still in high school when my father was fired from the San Francisco Examiner. My dad loved the newspaper business, and he especially enjoyed his job, working with the newsboys who (then) sold papers on street corners. I knew he’d be devastated by the loss.

To add to the problem, he had been employed by the Examiner for 30 years — but not consecutively. (He left school at twelve, and worked to send his younger brothers through Stanford University.) So when the newspaper eliminated its entire circulation department, my dad was not only out of work, he was out of any chance to receive a pension.

I will never forget that afternoon. I came home from school to find my father already there. Not only was he home, her was in the kitchen. In fact, my dad was at the sink, bent over, holding his head in his hands.

My heart went out to him, but as I was about to say something consoling, I noticed that the reason he was bent over the sink was that my sister was dying his grey hair brown so that he’d look younger when he went looking for a new job. Dad straightened up, grinned, and said: “Now we’re going to have some fun!”

And fun we had indeed, for my father did many fascinating things, including owning the “front yard” of a traveling circus, managing a gold mine, and taking photographs for postcards. In his late sixties, he opening his last business — a carnival supply company, which he operated successfully until his death (in the middle of a work day) at the age of 80.

My mother worked along side my father in most of his endeavors. After his death, she did what any grieving widow in her seventies would do — she took up country-western dancing. And a couple of years later, Mom married her country-western partner. (At their wedding, they wore their dancing costumes. But that, quite literally, is another story.)

Having the profound luck of being raised by these two incredibly resilient people is something for which I will always be grateful. They made dealing with the vagaries of change seem like a great adventure.

And that is what they taught me — but not by anything they said. I don’t recall my parents sharing any slogans or advice on managing change, but I DO remember exactly what they did, and the attitudes they held.

This is also how the people who live and work with you learn about change – not by what you say, but by everything you do, and how you feel about doing it.

In this season of present-giving, I’d like to remind you that one of the greatest gifts you have to offer, is to embody the change (whatever that is!) you want to see in the world.

Happy Holidays!

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an executive coach, author and keynote speaker who helps association, government, and business audiences thrive on change. The author of “This Isn’t the Company I Joined: How to Lead in a Business Turned Upside Down,” Carol’s latest book is THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work. Her customized programs on this topic include “The Nonverbal Advantage in Sales,” “The Silent Language of Leadership,” and “Body Language for Women Who Mean Business.” For more information, contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her websites: www.CKG.com and www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.