Posts Tagged ‘leadership’

10 Body Language Mistakes Women Leaders Make

Monday, July 12th, 2010

There are two sets of body language cues that followers look for in leaders: warmth (empathy, likeability, caring) and authority (power, credibility, status). Although I know several leaders of both sexes who do not fit the stereotypes, I’ve also observed that gender differences in body language most often align do align with these two groupings. Women are the champions in the warmth and empathy arena, but lose out with power and authority cues.

All leaders are judged by their body language. If a female wants to be perceived as powerful, credible, and confident, she has to be aware of the nonverbal signals she’s sending. There are a number of behaviors I’ve seen women unknowingly employ that reduce their authority by denoting vulnerability or submission. Here are ten body language mistakes that women leaders commonly make.

1) They use too many head tilts. Head tilting is a signal that someone is listening and involved — and a particularly feminine gesture. Head tilts can be very positive cues, but they are also subconsciously processed as submission signals. Women who want to project power and authority should keep their heads straight up in a more neutral position.

2) They physically condense. One way that status is nonverbally demonstrated in a business meeting is by physically taking up room. Lower-status, less-confident men (and most women) tend to pull in their bodies and minimize their size, while high status males expand and take up space. So at your next meeting, spread out your belongings and claim your turf!

3) They act girlish. Everyone uses pacifying gestures when under stress. They rub their hands together, grab their upper arms, and touch their necks. But women are viewed as much less powerful when they pacify with girlish behaviors (twirling hair, playing with jewelry, or biting a finger.)

4) They smile excessively. While smiling can be a powerful and positive nonverbal cue – especially for signaling likeability and friendliness – women should be aware that, when excessive or inappropriate, smiling can also be confusing and a credibility robber. This is especially true if you smile while discussing a serious subject, expressing anger, or giving negative feedback.

5) They nod too much. When a man nods, it means he agrees. When a woman nods, it means she agrees – or is listening to, empathizing with, or encouraging the speaker to continue. This excessive head nodding can make females look like a bobble-head doll. Constant head nodding can express encouragement and engagement, but not authority and power.

6) They speak “up.” Women’s voices often rise at the ends of sentences as if they’re asking a question or asking for approval. When stating your opinion, be sure to use the authoritative arc, in which your voice starts on one note, rises in pitch through the sentence and drops back down at the end.

7) They wait their turn. In negotiations, men talk more than women and interrupt more frequently. One perspective on the value of speaking up comes from former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright, who – when asked what advice she had for up-and-coming professional women – replied, “Learn to interrupt.”

8) They are overly expressive. While a certain amount of movement and animation adds passion and meaning to a message, women who express the entire spectrum of emotions often overwhelm their audience (especially if the audience is comprised primarily of males). So in situations where you want to maximize your authority — minimize your movements. When you appear calm and contained, you look more powerful.

9) They have a delicate handshake. Women with a weak handshake are judged to be passive and less confident. So take the time to cultivate your “professional shake.” Keep your body squared off to the other person — facing him or her fully. Make sure you have palm-to-palm contact and that the web of you hand (the skin between you thumb and first finger) touches the web of the other person’s. And, most of all, remember to shake hands firmly.

10. They flirt. Women gain likeability, but lose the competitive advantage in a negotiation when they flirt. In a UC Berkeley study female actors play the roles of sellers of a biotech business. Half were told to project a no-nonsense, business approach. Half were instructed to flirt (using the nonverbal behaviors of smiling, leaning forward suggestively, tossing their hair, etc.) – but to do so subtly. The outcome was that the “buyers” offered the flirts (dubbed “likeable losers”) 20% less, on average, than what they offered the more straitlaced sellers.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D., is an international keynote speaker, executive coach, and management consultant. Author of THE NONVERBAL ADVANTAGE – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work, Carol’s new book, THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS will be published by Jossey-Bass in the spring of 2011.For information contact Carol by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her web sites: www.CKG.com and www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

Forbes.com posted Carol’s video blog “Body Language Mistakes Women Make” http://video.forbes.com/fvn/forbeswoman/body-language-mistakes-women-make

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Smile Power – Your Secret to Success

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

Smiles have a powerful effect on all of us.  The human brain prefers happy faces, recognizing them more quickly than those with negative expressions. Smiles are such an important part of communication that we spot a smile at 300 feet — the length of a football field.  Smiles can also be your secret to success. Here are five reasons to activate your smile power:

1. You’ll feel better – even if you fake it

We all use the fake smile in business settings when we don’t really feel an emotional closeness to those around us; the real smile is reserved for those we truly care about. And we’ve had a lot of practice doing this. We’ve been displaying both real and fake smiles all of our lives. A fake smile is easy to produce. It takes only one set of muscles to stretch the lip corners sideways and create a grin.

There’s no doubt that the “best” smiles are genuine. They light up your face, crinkle the corners of your eyes and produces positive physiological changes in your body temperature and heart rate. But consider research findings that even if the smile is mechanically produced, positive feelings still emerge. This study matched samples of people looking at cartoons. The first group ranked every cartoon as funnier than the second group. The only difference is that members of the first group were asked to hold a pencil crosswise between their back teeth. The simulated smile caused by the pencil between their teeth effected their emotion – and their perception of the cartoons as funnier.

2. You’ll be unforgettable

Why do some people make a lasting impression while others are quite forgettable? The answer may be in their smile.

Research from Duke University proves that we like and remember those who smile at us – and shows why we find them more memorable. Using functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), the Duke researchers found that the orbitofrontal cortices (a “reward center” in the brain) were more active when subjects were learning and recalling the names of smiling individuals.

3. You’ll encourage collaboration

No one, regardless of how intelligent he or she may be, can succeed alone. We all need the knowledge and ideas of others. You know that. But did your know that by merely smiling or frowning you can influence how a speaker reports information and how it is subsequently remembered, and possibly passed on?

According to research conducted reported by the British Psychological Society, positive and negative emotional responses systematically alter the use of language. Speak to a positive listener and people will likely use more abstractions and subjective impressions. But if people talk to a negative listener, they’ll probably stick to the relative security of objective facts and concrete details.

Researchers speculate that this is because the smiles and nods of a positive listener are interpreted as a sign of agreement and understanding, encouraging the speaker to provide more of their own opinions and speculations. By contrast, negative listeners provoke speakers to adopt a more hesitant and cautious thinking style.

4. You’ll improve your productivity

Charles Garfield, the author of Peak Performance, once coached the Russian Olympic weight-lifting team. Garfield noticed that when team members lifted to exhaustion, they would invariably grimace at the painful effort. In an experiment, he encouraged the athletes to smile when they got to that point of exhaustion. This seemingly minor difference enabled them to add 2-3 more reps to their performance.

No matter the task, when you grimace or frown while doing it, you are sending your brain the message, “This is really difficult. I should stop.”  The brain then responds by sending stress chemicals into your bloodstream. And this creates a vicious circle: the more stressed you are, the more difficult the task becomes.

When you smile, your brain gets the message, “It’s not so bad. I can do this!”

5.You’ll positively contaminate others

Some nonverbal behaviors can bring out the best in people. Smiling is one of them, as it directly influences how other people respond. When you smile at someone, they almost always smile in return. And, because facial expressions trigger corresponding feelings, the smile you get back actually changes that person’s emotional state in a positive way.

Maybe that’s why a DePauw University study found that people whose smiles were weakest in snapshots from childhood through young adulthood were most likely to be divorced in middle or old age. (1 in 4 compared to 1 in 20 for the widest smilers.)

And if you ever go to trial, keep this in mind: Although courtroom judges are equally likely to find smilers and non-smilers guilty, they tend to give smilers lighter penalties, a phenomenon called the “smile-leniency effect.”

Want to brighten your mood, make a lasting impression, encourage collaboration, lighten your work load, and positively influence others? Then smile – really smile. Think of someone who genuinely amuses or delights you. But if you can’t do that, then fake it . . . or hold a pencil in your mouth.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, change-management consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” Her new book, “THE SILENT LANGUAGE OF LEADERS” will be published in the spring of 2011 To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s websites are http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

Email CGoman@CKG.com to subscribe to Carol’s monthly articles.

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The Body Language of Pgymalion Leadership

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010

Pygmalion in the Classroom, one of the most controversial publications in the history of educational research, shows how a teacher’s expectations can motivate student achievement. This classic study gave prospective teachers a list of students who had been identified as “high achievers.” The teachers were told to expect remarkable results from these students, and at the end of the year, the students did indeed make sharp increases on their IQ test scores.

In reality, these children had been chosen at random, not as a result of any testing. It was the teachers’ belief in their potential that was responsible for the extraordinary results. The children were never told they were high achievers, but this message was delivered subtly and nonverbally through expectancy behaviors such as facial expressions, gestures, touch, and spatial relationships.

In much the same way, a leader’s expectations of employees and their expectations of themselves are also key factors in how well people perform at work. Pygmalion leadership is in operation when staff excels in response to the manager’s message that they are capable of success and expected to succeed. This effect was described by J. Sterling Livingston Harvard Business Review article, Pygmalion in Management: “The way managers treat their subordinates is subtly influenced by what they expect of them.”

Of course, we’ve all seen instances where the reverse is true – where a leader’s verbal and (my special interest) nonverbal communication undermine staff performance and lower productivity.

I’ve also noted that sometimes these negative nonverbal behaviors aren’t all that subtle. Take, for example, this email I received recently: My boss drives us crazy with her mixed messages. She says things like, “You are always welcome in my office” and “You are all an important part of the team.” At the same time, her nonverbal communication is constantly showing how unimportant we are to her. She never makes eye contact, will shuffle papers when others talk, writes email while we answer her questions and generally does not give her full attention. In fact, we don’t even rate her half attention! Then she wonders why we’re all so demoralized.

Here’s a suggestion from my book, The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work: Imagine that you found out that everyone on your staff had been identified as a high achiever.  And imagine that this was a secret you couldn’t share with anyone on your staff – except through your body language. How would you use to let people know they were special? (More eye contact? Appreciative nods? Smiles?) Remember that what you tell them is motivating only if your nonverbal signals corroborate it.

Once you get a good idea of what you would do, take one full week and treat everyone who works for or with you as if they were potential stars. See if at least some of them don’t start living up to the high expectations your body language signals send.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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UNDERCOVER BOSS

Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010

On February 7 (right after the Super Bowl) CBS is launching a series called “Undercover Boss” about executives who go incognito into their companies to “walk a mile” in their employees’ shoes.

My article about one of the original participants from the British version of the show has just been posted in The Washington Post “On Leadership” section. Stephen Martin, CEO of the Clugston Group, was wonderful to interview – and his experience on the show taught so much about what it really takes to communicate with his workers.

Take a look and leave a comment: http://views.washingtonpost.com/leadership/panelists/2010/02/would-you-be-an-undercover-boss.html

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Why Jane Doesn’t Lead

Monday, January 4th, 2010

At some date in the first months of 2010, women will cross the 50% threshold and become the majority of the American workforce. Females already make up the majority of university graduates in the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development (OECD) countries as well as the majority of professional workers in several rich countries, including the United States. And women already run many of the world’s great companies, from PepsiCo in America to Areva in France.

As a speaker at business conferences, I’ve addressed organizations around the world, and I’ve seen the genuine commitment that many companies have made to develop the leadership abilities of female employees and to create workplace environments with family-friendly policies and flexible work arrangements — all in hopes of attracting, retaining and grooming women for top management roles.

But despite this effort and this progress, far-too-many talented females, still bump their heads on a glass ceiling: Only 2% of the senior leaders of America’s largest companies and 5% of their peers in Britain are women.

In my book, “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work,” I talk about the power of silent signals in the workplace. So I was fascinated to come across research that helps explain why even the best-intentioned efforts at developing women leaders are failing.

This is research that deals with emergent leadership in groups of equal status. And the findings have everything to do with body language.

Doré Butler and Florence Geis at the University of Delaware compared the nonverbal affect responses to male and female leaders and found that intellectual assertiveness by women in mixed-sex discussions elicits visible nonverbal cues of negative affect. Females taking a leadership role in the group received fewer pleased responses and more displeased responses from fellow group members than male leaders speaking up and offering the same input.

From earlier research, we know that displeased expressions by fellow group members cause a leader’s contribution to be rated less valuable than the identical contribution when

embedded with cues of approval. So you can see how women’s ideas can be devalued simply by receiving less positive and more negative responses than men’s contributions of the same objective quality.

Here’s what can happen in a team meeting: A woman states her opinion. In response, negative nonverbal affect cues — frowns, head shakes, eye contact avoidance, etc. — are displayed, processed, and often mimicked by the entire group to produce a negative consensus about the value of her contribution. And all of this occurs without individuals on the team being aware of what’s happening.

At a time when conscious responses (direct answers on questionnaires, etc.) are becoming increasingly egalitarian, covert, unconscious responses still reflect discrimination against women taking a leadership role. Since hiring, salary, and promotion (especially to top leadership positions) often depend on being recognized as an emergent leader, this puts females at a distinct disadvantage.

Three key points:

1. This was a study of leadership behaviors in peer groups. There is no evidence to suggest that women in formal leadership roles generate any greater negative (or less positive) emotional cues than do their male counterparts.

2. This was not about men discounting the contribution of women. The groups in the study had an equal mix of male and female members.

3. The power of nonverbal communication lies its unconscious nature — and bringing the covert into awareness can help nullify its effect. (So, circulate this article!)

So, if you want to groom women for top positions in your organization, keep doing those things that have proven to be helpful: Offer females the coaching, mentors, and career opportunities that develop leadership potential.

But, in addition, pay attention to your own body language. Employees look for and emulate the nonverbal signals they get from their bosses. Current leaders can help create a level playing field for emergent leaders by providing the same cues of positive affect (eye contact, smiling, nodding, leaning forward, etc.) when listening to women as they do when listening to men.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach, change-management consultant, and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s websites are http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com and http://www.CKGcom. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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Leaders who walk the talk

Wednesday, December 23rd, 2009

My article, “The Greatest Gift,” is in The Washington Post today.
http://views.washingtonpost.com/leadership/leadership_playlist/2009/12/the-greatest-gift.html
It’s a nice leadership story for this time of year.
Take a look and let me know what you think.

Happy, happy holidays!

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Why Feet Don’t Lie

Tuesday, November 17th, 2009

Two of your colleagues are talking in the hallway. You’d like to join the conversation, but you don’t know if you’ll be seen as a rude interruption or a welcome addition.

Want to find out? Just watch their feet.

When you approach the twosome, you will be acknowledged in one of two ways. If the feet of your two colleagues stay in place and they twist only their upper torsos in your direction, they don’t really want you to join the conversation. But if their feet open to include you then you know that you are truly invited to participate.

And that’s only one of the messages you can get from reading feet.

Here’s another example from my book, The Nonverbal Advantage – Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work: Whenever you are speaking with a co-worker who seems to be paying attention, and whose upper body is angled toward you, but whose legs and feet have turned toward the door – realize that the conversation is over. Her feet are telling you she wants to leave.

Foot positions are revealing even if someone’s legs are crossed. If the toe of the leg that is crossed on top is pointing towards you, the person is most likely interested in you. If the opposite leg is crossed so the top toe is pointing away, the person is probably withdrawing.

Our feet and legs are not only our primary means of locomotion, they are in the forefront of reactions to “fight, flight, or freeze” survival strategies. The limbic brain is at the center of our emotional response system. Its major function is to react instantaneously to incoming information from the environment. Emotional reactions, as we know, occur prior to thought. Before we’ve had time to develop any conscious plan, our limbic brain has already made sure that our feet and legs – depending on the situation – are geared to freeze in place, run away, or kick out in defense.

When people try to control their body language, they focus primarily on facial expressions and hand/arm gestures. That’s because rarely is anyone (even politicians, actors, or executives) coached in body language below the waist. And since gestures from the legs and feet are left unrehearsed, they are also where the truth can most often be found.

I witnessed an example of this at a recent conference where I was a keynote speaker. Because my speech was scheduled for the next morning, I arrived a day early to view other presenters and to get a feel for the audience. One of the sessions I saw was an interview with the President and Chief Executive Officer of a financial institute. The interviewer (a member of the CEO’s staff) and interviewee were seated on stage in chairs facing the audience. The staff member read from a list of questions and the executive responded.

From a body language perspective it was fascinating. The executive’s facial expressions and hand gestures signaled comfort and confidence as he shared his philosophy of “relationship banking” and the importance of employees to his company’s brand.

Then came a series of questions about executive compensation. As the CEO responded to these inquiries, his expressions and gestures stayed constant – but his “foot language” changed dramatically: From a comfortable, loose leg cross, the executive suddenly locked his ankles tightly together, pulled them back under his chair, and began to make tiny kicks with both feet. He then re-crossed his ankles and kicked his feet again. And this behavior continued throughout the entire set of compensation questions.

Was the CEO comfortable addressing this issue? Well, his upper body would have you believe he was. And if that were all you could see (if, for instance, he had been sitting behind a desk or standing behind a lectern), you might have been convinced he was at ease. But his feet told an entirely different story — one of stress and anxiety.

Of course, our feet and legs react not only to stressors and threats, they respond to positive emotions as well. “Dancing for joy,” “Kicking up your heels,” “Walking on air,” and “Staying on your toes” – they’re only some of the phrases used to acknowledge that positive connection.

Bouncing, tapping, wiggling feet are what professional poker players refer to as “happy feet.” In poker it’s a high-confidence tell, a signal that the player’s hand is strong.

I’ve noticed a similar signal in business negotiations. If you see a lot of high-energy foot jiggling (or if you notice a slight bounce in the shoulders that is a result of such movement) you can almost always assume that the party involved is feeling pretty good about his bargaining position. And if your seated opponent rocks back on his heels and raises his toes – he probably thinks he has the upper hand.

Feet say a lot about your self-confidence. When you stand with your feet close together, you seem timid or hesitant. But when you widen your stance, you look more “solid” and sure of yourself.

Studies show that observers have greater success judging a person’s real emotional state when they can see the entire body. You may not know it, but instinctively you’ve been reacting to foot gestures all your life. Now you know a little more about what to look for.

Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. is an executive coach and international keynote speaker at corporate, government, and association events. She’s the author of “The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work.” To contact Carol about speaking or coaching, call 510-526-1727, email CGoman@CKG.com. Carol’s website is http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com. You can also follow Carol on Twitter: http://twitter.com/CGoman.

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The High-Tech Future of Body Language

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

Are you ready for your close up?

If you’re a leader who thinks that technology offers a screen to hide behind, author and body language expert, I advises you to think again. The visual technology revolution is making body language more important than ever. Soon you will be interacting face-to-face with even greater frequency, even if those interactions are mediated by a screen. Leaders will need to master these new technologies to communicate effectively with their followers, employees, customers and clients.

Here is a link to my Washington Post article about new advances in technology and research that show how non-verbal cues will remain as important — if not more important — in our digital future:

http://views.washingtonpost.com/leadership/leadership_playlist/2009/10/the-high-tech-future-of-body-language.html

For more information, contact Carol Kinsey Goman, Ph.D. by phone: 510-526-1727, email: CGoman@CKG.com, or through her website:http://www.NonverbalAdvantage.com.

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Advice for MBA programs – offer body language!

Wednesday, February 25th, 2009

Many business schools are revisiting their offerings to see if they still have relevance in the 21st century. Consider Harvard Business School, the blue-chip brand of all MBA programs, which used 2008 (its centennial year) to convene worldwide experts on business education and plot its directions for the next 100 years.

The results: Deans and recruiters said that MBAs in general needed better communication skills, increased self-awareness and an enhanced capacity for introspection and empathy. HBS is now looking at several change proposals, among them a program to develop various soft skills in its students.

They haven’t asked me, but my advice for MBA programs is to offer a class in body language!

The word lead comes from an old English word which means “he who goes first in battle.” Leading doesn’t have anything to do with controlling or managing. It has everything to do with setting an example and influencing others. That means that people have to see you – and your actions (gestures, expressions, posture) need to be congruent with what you say.

And if they can’t see their leaders in person, employees want to view the next best thing. Consider the case with one Fortune 25 Company, where teleconferences provided an ongoing opportunity for small groups of employees to get up close and personal with the CEO. Time after time, employees would ask questions that had already been communicated in various company publications and through dozens of email announcements.

After the sessions, the beleaguered CEO asked his communication manager, “How many times have we told them about that? Why don’t they know that?”

“Oh, they know it,” the communications manager replied. “They just want to hear it from you. More importantly, they want to be able to look at you when you say it.”

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