Curled Up With A Good Book

Deborah Adams

Have you ever wished you could read a lover's mind? Or better yet, influence what your boss thinks of you? While The Nonverbal Advantage won't bestow those wonderful mystical powers upon you, it can give you the tools to understand what other people think but don't say, and it can help you project an image that others will find appealing and trustworthy.

Author Carol Kinsey Goman makes her living as a consultant and coach, helping managers improve their communication skills. Trained in Neuro-Linguistic Programming among other disciplines, she's an expert in reading body language and is quick to point out that this it true for all of us. "As children we assimilated those gestures and expressions that were appropriateŠ in our cultures."

In The Nonverbal Advantage, Goman explains why body language carries so much influence and how we can us it to our advantage. In the workplace, for instance, leadership skills depend heavily upon the ability to communicate. Because employees seldom feel free to say what they really think, being able to recognize the subtler messages sent out is a critical skill for supervisors. The same is true for educators ("Šlearners at all levels reacted more favorable to teachers who used non-verbal immediacy cuesŠ") and for salespeople ("Making or breaking a sale often depends onŠ nonverbal signalsŠ"). Healthcare providers, Goman tells us, are less likely to be sued when they exhibit nonverbal expressions of "clinical empathy."

According to Goman, a new acquaintance forms an opinion of us in about seven seconds. Our body language, including what we wear and how we shake hands, is the basis for that opinion. Just like Mom always told us, it's this first impression that counts because, though it may seem superficial and unfair, it often determines whether or not we get the job, the sale, or the date.

The Nonverbal Advantage is packed full of interesting and useful information, neatly categorized and easily understandable. Beginning with the five Cs of body language (context, clusters, congruence, consistency, and culture), Goman explains how to determine when a specific gesture is revealing secrets or just a reaction to weather.

Following a chapter about whole body communication, the author offers helpful tips for recognizing postures that reflect openness, defensiveness, or hostility. In this section she also explains 'mirroring' and how to use it for establishing rapport.

Facial expressions, of course, are part of the package and perhaps the cues we're most used to reading. But can you tell the difference between a fake smile and a genuine smile? Goman explains how to make that distinction and how to produce the real thing whenever you want to be perceived as friendly and approachable. Speaking of approachable, did you know there's a difference between the way you should physically approach men and women?

If you've ever been chided for talking with your hands, you'll be glad to know that using hand gestures is not only the oldest form of human communication, but also an integral part of business communication. As she does throughout the book, Goman explains how to interpret the various gestures and how to use them to better convey your message.

And here's something you may not have considered - the feet are the most honestly expressive parts of the body!

In addition to analysis of body parts, Goman also addresses the importance of cultural signals. Greetings, head nods, length of eye contact, and hand signals have different meanings in different parts of the world, and business professionals would do well to learn how to recognize and adapt them.

Whether you're going for a job interview, making a business presentation, or simply want to gain a better understanding of yourself and others, The Nonverbal Advantage is a valuable resource for learning and using the powerful language of the body.

 

Shelf Awareness

Reviewed by John McFarland

Studies show that the impact of a business presentation depends heavily on the speaker's facial expression, hand gestures, body position and other nonverbal communication, with a mere 7% of the impact coming from the actual words in the presentation. If your body language isn't congruent with your message, Carol Kinsey Goman points out in this practical and highly useful primer, your message doesn't stand a chance of coming across as intended. "The foundation of effective body language has to be honesty," she calmly advises while no doubt putting the fear of God into scheming prevaricators who hope to win us over with their artfully chosen words.

Goman presents a complex subject deftly by isolating particularly eloquent areas of the body for in-depth discussion: the face (especially the eyes), the hands, arms and feet. Photographs and illustrations (with a judicious selection of very telling cartoons) reinforce visually what she describes in her text. Even if you already have the meanings of darting eyes and patently fake smiles down cold, her coverage of asymmetrical facial expressions and inclusive (vs. exclusionary) foot positions will add to your arsenal of communication and interpretation skills.

Readers pressed for time and eager to put theory into practice will welcome Goman's Plug-and-Play sections on "Seven Seconds to Make a Positive First Impressions," "The Silent Language of Leadership" and "The Body Language of Charisma." Those who try out a few of the many exercises to increase insight and perception, however, will reap the greatest benefit. "With everyone you encounter, visualize them as a traffic signal," is one proposed exercise; if that strikes you too much like Barbara Walters in her "If you were a tree . . . "  mode, suspend your disbelief and see if it improves your ability to identify people who are open to ideas and those who obstruct communication.

Goman's comment that "people are two times more likely to remember you if you shake hands with them" led me to a quick refresher course in the importance of the handshake (and the right kinds). Goman's discussion of the "Personal Gaze" vs. the "Business Gaze" will also answer why we sometimes wonder, "Is this person flirting with me or do they really mean business?" And for those simply interested in learning to spot a lie or to tell a real smile from a fake one, this handy book delivers the goods.

The Rosetta Stone of Understanding Body Language!

Author Carol Kinsey Goman has added another remarkable achievement to her already significant reputation in the business world with her "must have book" on communications, "The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at Work". She demystifies some of the basic elements of everyday business communication with a well-written breakdown of human interactions dealing with body language. The book not only teaches but also enlightens the reader about what they and others are unconsciously communicating with their eyes, hands and feet positions and other body gestures and movements.

The book is written for the business world but what you learn can be applied in your own personal life as well. The first thing that you realize is that it is very difficult to fake and manipulate what your body is going to communicate. The book will not be very helpful for those seeking to learn how to use body language to give different or false messages than are in your heart. The book does give you greater insights on how to read others at meetings, or in one-on-one-situations. In some cases, this book will act like a Rosetta Stone for those who are clueless as to what the body is saying about each of us.

Goman uses wonderful personal examples that are easy to identify with. The reader will be able to recognize themselves and others as she takes them through a learning experience that will enrich their work and personal lives. The book is well written and easy to read. I could see this book being used for groups and companies as part of any communications-training program.

This book will change you and alter the way you look at people. It will make you think and reflect and perhaps wake you up and change how you perceive others and yourself. It is a profound work that is scientifically grounded and not some new-age feel good effort to say what has already been said. This book manages to break some new ground while pulling together lots of known and accepted theories of nonverbal communication.

This book receives my highest personal endorsement and recommendation. This book belongs on every serious business manager's office shelf.

The American Authors Association has selected this book for one of its annual Golden Quill Awards as "The Best Business Book of the Year - 2008".
American Author Association Book Review
Reviewer: W. H. McDonald Jr.

"Goman's book hits on an important aspect of what will define the next decade of productivity and innovation: collaboration and the technology tools that enable it. The ability to read and understand nonverbal communications -- now possible virtually without regard to distance, thanks to the evolution of network technologies -- will
enrich that collaboration."
John Chambers, Chairman and CEO, Cisco

"Effective communication has never been more important in today's changing business environment. Technology, diversity, and globalization has changed all the rules. Carol Kinsey Goman's book reveals the essence of non-verbal communication and the power of body language. To build trust and understanding you need to be aligned to get your message across. This book gives you the advantage on every level."
Lee Hornick, President, Business Communications Worldwide, Inc., and
Conference Program Director, The Conference Board

"Given today's technology-driven communication systems, people have fewer face-to-face interactions. As a result it is crucial to maximize their impact. Dr. Goman provides a valuable guide for doing just that by helping the reader understand how the non-verbal aspects of a conversation often say much more than the verbal ones."
Jon Peters
President
The Institute for Management Studies

"As a human resources executive, I certainly appreciate the impact of nonverbal communication.  For a global business such as Black & Veatch, it's especially important for us to understand the nuances of cross-cultural communication. Carol's book provides some great tips on how to turn the understanding of nonverbal signals into a professional advantage." 
Shirley Gaufin, Chief Human Resources Officer
Black & Veatch

In a brave new world brimming with discovery and invention: virtual face to face  mirror neurons  and emotional quotients, we must remember to update our existing human insights skill set. Now is the time to review ones toolbox, with the non-verbal cues that will take center stage in business and in life.  Carol Kinsey Goman's book is a timely read indeed.
Watts Wacker, Futurist and author

"This book happens to hit on one of my hot buttons.  I have made numerous speeches on communication which I consider the common denominator of success or failure.  Invariably, people do not reflect on body language as a means of communication until you bring it to their attention.  The Nonverbal Advantage: Secrets and Science of Body Language at work should be a great success!"
Charles A. Lynch, Chairman
Market Value Partners Company

"The Non-Verbal Advantage takes a fresh look at the power of body language as an essential executive management skill. This is a must read for anyone who is responsible for negotiating or facilitating change in their professional association."
Alan Sauer, CAE, IOM
Fellow, American Society of Association Executives Fellow
Former Chairman of the Board of Trustees, US Chamber of Commerce Institute for Organization Management

"The Nonverbal Advantage is a fresh look at employee communications management and the more subtle, but nevertheless important, cues of body language. Goman's analysis of interpersonal communication techniques, signals and behaviors suggests that nonverbal signals are more important in understanding human behavior than words alone--the nonverbal "channels" seem to be more powerful than what people say.  She is pointing the way for managers at all levels."
Deborah Radman, APR, Fellow PRSA
Senior Vice President/Director
CKPR

"Face-to-face communication takes on a new meaning in this much-needed and detailed treatise on non-verbal communication. Understanding how humans give silent clues -- with eyes, hands, posture and even feet -- helps us become better speakers and better listeners. If you want to go beyond the basics of written and visual communication, this is the book for you."
Wilma Mathews, ABC, IABC Fellow, Faculty Associate
Walter Cronkite School of Journalism & Mass Communication, and
Communication Consultant

"Carol Kinsey Goman shows you how to use body language skills to build stronger professional relationships. The Nonverbal Advantage is a must read for anyone wanting to move ahead and stand out from the crowd."
Robert L. Dilenschneider, CEO, The Dilenschneider Group, and
author, "Power and Influence: The Rules Have Changed"

'It is said that whereas we judge ourselves by our intentions, others always judge us by our behaviour. The fact is that our body language is usually as loud as the message we pass on verbally. Therefore it is important for effective communication that the message we communicate and our body language are in alignment.'
Kenneth C. Anierobi, Training Programmer Coordinator
SPDC.Warri, Nigeria

"As a marketing and sales professional who does business around the globe, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of nonverbal communication. In the world of international business understanding the subtle and not so subtle nonverbal nuances of cross-cultural communications may be the most important skill for you to have."
Art Froehlich, Sr. Partner
AdFarm, Canada

"In the second half of my 33 year career in law enforcement, my interview ability and success took a definite upswing after taking training that addressed not only verbal deception, but also nonverbal behavior. Carol's book takes many of the things I learned about body language and puts them in a form that any manager or business professional can use."
Robert Baker - Retired
San Diego County District Attorney Investigator
San Diego County Sheriff Detective

"Thousands of years before human beings could talk, non-verbal language was our main communication mode. But when speech (and then writing) was introduced to the human experience, we lost touch with what our bodies were saying. Carol Kinsey Goman has written an updated guide to this universal and powerful communication tool. Readers learn how to make the best of face-to-face professional encounters."
Gustavo Maurin. Conditional Access & Pay-TV Systems Manager
IKUSI (High Frequency Division)
Spain

"My work deals with providing national stakeholders in the petroleum industry with high level communications through technical and face to face communications. Thank you Carol for taking the time to remind us how important non verbal communication is today in this fast paced workplace we live in. No matter how many new technologies for communications are acceptable today we will always find leaders who excel because of their success in understanding non verbal communication".
Lynn Merrithew, Life Skills Coach and HR Project Manager for "Increasing the Talent"
Petroleum Human Resource Council of Canada.

"In my global business dealings, I've seen negotiations fall apart when people gave the wrong signals and didn't respect cultural differences. The Nonverbal Advantage should be required reading for anyone in sales or negotiations - especially if they work internationally."
Kimberly Benson, Vice President
Cange International, Inc.

"One thing I have learnt over the years is how important and powerful the effect of what your body language is saying verses what your mouth is saying."
Harminder Kundi, Manager
Britannia Building Society
United Kingdom

"Reading this book is like getting a wheel alignment on your car; it will help keep your verbal and nonverbal communication from going in conflicting directions and help keep your business and personal relationships out of the misunderstood ditch.  I wish I had read this book earlier in my career."
Greg Hense ,Talent Management Consultant, Human Resources
EPCOR Utilities Inc.
Canada

"Project Management is all about communication.  As a PM, it is imperative to note disconnects in verbal vs. nonverbal messages and work to bring them into alignment. The Nonverbal Advantage is a good guidebook for interpreting this critical communication medium."
Dan Stevens, Project Manager
Hirata Corporation of America

"Companies must form trusting relationships with one another to maintain advantage in this highly competitive market place.  As managers proceed down this path it will be a huge advantage to be able to fully decipher body language clues to determine if the companies they hope to work with are healthy or wrought with discontent."
Rebecca Bjustrom
Industrial Technology Advisor
National Research Council
Canada

"The visual impact of a passionate communicator will be remembered longer than the exact words he or she speaks - and much longer than a written message. Face to face communication provides the opportunity to really get an audience engaged."
Joan Petersen CTM
Travel Manager
AMA Travel